1st post: would appreciate your advice!

[hopeOK]

I didn't see your post moved yet & wanted to comment before I forget. If you have been in counseling for 9 months w/o much success I would highly suggest finding a new counselor. I would look for one that uses Emotionally Focused Therapy... it is done in 15-20 hours and works very quickly. It has also been studied & shown to be effective long term.

You can also check into a couple books written on this type of therapy- Emotionally Focused Therapy for dummies and Hold Me Tight.

We had a similar situation where my husband had already mourned our relationship & moved on to an affair... this therapy really brought us to a greater understanding of each others motives and the hurt that we each felt and why. It brought us closer. (Unfortunately we had a incident occur after ending therapy that has us currently side-lined but I still think this method is very effective if you have 2 spouses that want to participate.)