Thread for Prowl #2

[asitis]

No, nothing different but not speaking to each other for over 24 hours and letting her contact me...

But the goodwill didn't last long. I found our home online as a "pre-forclosure". I can't believe that my life has got to this point. I worked so hard for that home and now it's going to go into forclosure... I could have used some of the money from the sale of the house to put down for at least a condo.. It's so frustrating that she could have me legaly removed from my home. Live in it rent free for 8 months and then walk away and not even care... She litteraly is like "Oh well".

It comes down to being able to afford to pay back our debts in the CH13. That means paying our regular mortgage and then paying back the missed payments over a 3-5 year span. This would be impossible living in two different households. I've asked her if there is any way should would be willing to live under the same roof as me while we try and save the equity. She says "No, we don't get along". No matter how many times I say I wont talk to you, I wont ask you where your going, I wont even pretend like your there, the answer is always "I'm not living with you".

I know it's because she can't continue her A if I am around. I can't believe an A is more important than our home and family. I hope God thumps her good for this one!

I even asked if she would go live with her family while I lived in the house and made the payments and catch up payments. She wont have that. How can anyone be this immature and selfish? It's honestly like talking to a brick freaking wall...

I'm sorry about all this and how painful it is. I'm going to perhaps sound a bit insensitive, but I hope you can see that this is not my intention.

OK, the above is your situation right now. You want it to be different now or in the very near future, but there is no sign that it will be. Your W is going to be who she is for the time being, and your financial situation sounds like it is going to be what it is for the time being.

So, what are you going to do to stand up in the middle of all this wreckage and make your life count? How are you going to live the life you have, to regain your dignity and pride, to find a way to be happy even in the midst of all this? Forget your M right now. There is nothing you can do to change it at the moment. What do you want your life to look like 5-10 years down the road when this is all in the rear view mirror if you do the hard work to put it there? Your W may or may not be sitting in the car (or truck if that's your style), but you know that right now you can't count on her.

Who do you want to be? How do you want friends to describe you then when an acquaintance of theirs asks who you are? What are the things you've always wanted to do or try? What are the things you gave up because of work and family obligations that still interest you? Do you have a bucket list of things you want to have done during your life? If not start one. If you have or once you start one? What are you doing to check some of those off?

Finally, just because you may not be having suicidal thoughts at the moment doesn't mean you are out of the woods on that front. You really do need to seek some help for that, even if it is just accessing a workplace assistance program's services or finding a therapist. I understand $ might be tight, but there are service for those who have need but can't afford it right now. It is not a weakness to seek help (yes our culture, especially the way we raise boys/men, often portrays needing help as a weakness), but requires a deep inner strength to admit one's vulnerability and ask for help. Humans have not evolved to process emotions alone, we need other people to do this. Yes, we can do some of the work alone, but that isn't sufficient & not the way our brains are wired.

Hang in there. You are already showing great strength of character to take the steps you have, to open up and make yourself vulnerable here, and to continue to fight on. In the immediate future, remember you have kids who really need you right now. Kids who are confused, hurting, and struggling, whose mother is likely not all that emotionally available to them right now. It is the best healing you can do for yourself is to step up and be there for them. It really does make a lot of the pain go away to focus on those who depend on us and tend to their needs. Trust me on this one, I know from both experience and learning that this is a basic truth of the human condition. You will become closer to your kids than you ever imagined and wonder why in the world you didn't see this path and realize the blessing sitting right there under your nose sooner.