Recovery from cancer and separation

[asitis]

One of my early fears was, who will want to get serious with a 50 yr-old divorced man who has had 2 cancers, one of which is almost certain to recur every 5-10 years, 2 young kids who are his first priority, and so on. I saw myself as broken, at least in terms of my attractiveness as a potential romantic partner. Then there is the how will I be able to let anyone into my heart enough to make a good partner.

Trust me, especially as you work on yourself, these fears start to pass. You start to see yourself as someone who is capable of having much healthier relationships & who is more attractive than so many of the other men in your age range who are facing the same thing but haven't done the work.

There are two other things to try in the mean time with regard to the loneliness. First, don't look just for people you can spend time, but for activities or groups you'd like to get involved with. What interests do you have that you could connect with others who share that interest. What things have you always wanted to do, or now that you have the freedom of time to experiment, sound interesting? What did you do when you were younger, but gave up due to the realities of work and family obligations? Are you at all a spiritual person? Is there a divorce support group in your area? Start looking at your surrounding area with that new openness to opportunities to do things with others.

Besides the human contact, if you are doing things that interest you, you are more likely to be attractive to others, because you will be happier and more fulfilled, and you will slowly (or quickly depending on your inclinations and introversion/extroversion) make friends around those shared interests. As you expand your network of friends and acquaintances, you will meet more people through them. And, when it comes time to dip your toe back in the dating pool, you will have both that network of people who know you are available and activities where you will meet women who share at least some common interest.

The second thing, is work on the feeling alone, the fear of being alone, and the feelings that to be happy you need to have a close romantic relationship to fill some void. This is work that probably is best done in therapy, and between the cancer and relationship problems is just a small chunk of the emotions you have to work on in therapy, but it is worth bringing this up with a therapist so that they can help you work through them.