T

You are keen to define, process, label, know and understand.

The one thing I am sure of one thing, as fast as you know the answer it will change. None of us will ever know what is inside another's mind or thoughts. It isn't possible to do that.

Cali, in his wisdom, is saying to you the label doesn't matter. You do that which works for you. If your WW is jeopardising the Fins and your future then it's time to look after you. If fun guy isn't you but quiet serious gentle is you then authentic is your middle name.

Have hobbies, friends and things you enjoy for you. Go GAL to improve you, make it a lifelong habit to have your own interests and friends. To do the things you enjoy, your own support structure independently of any R you are in. It adds balance, joy and gives perspective. Try different things, Old Dog started dancing, V has her Gamanon, toots loves new things to do, Gan has adventures, some will be for you and others won't, if a tight circle of three friends is your choice rather 2000 FB friends that's OK as well. People love a listener too.

A 180 is about doing the opposite of what you have done, that will of course change who you are by changing your behaviour in the longer term. The 180 has to be effective and authentic to you. We do the 180 because what we are doing is no longer effective. If a 180 is destructive and inauthentic then it can be worked in another way. It is a case of doing a 180 that is effective for you otherwise the 'fix' is temporary. Sometimes there is no perfect solution just a better way.

Be more of who you are and want to be. I used to say to my WH, it's great to be more self centred and less selfish.

Hugs

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 07/09/15 10:13 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW