Aj...reality check time. We are all here for you. We are all in the same situation. Some have been a here two days, some 2 years. I'm not going to pretend to have the right answers. If I did, I wouldn't be here, I'd be on vacation with my wife and daughter, or sleeping in my marital bed.
But I do know one thing...the pain inside me has subsided to about 10%. The gutwrenching, horrible feeling you are feeling now, the scared little kid, the confusion, the lack of motivation, the desire to fix everything, change your W, stop the D talk...WILL go away. Whether it takes a week, a month, or a decade is up to YOU.
I was there, up until about 2 weeks ago. Then something changed - and all due to this forum, reading books, and talking to my IC. Mostly though, I made a committment to MYSELF to listen to what all these people around me had to say...my forum family, online experts, and my counselor.
The common thread from everyone is first and foremost, focus on YOU. Make decisions for YOU. Your W will make decisions for HER. Nothing you do - not what to eat, take down pictures, put up pictures, go out, sleep, go to church, join a gym, absolutely nothing should be for HER. This is about improving you and only you and making yourself "someone only a fool would leave".
I love my W dearly. I would do anything for her. I cry at night, I miss my daughter, I would trade my right arm to be back with my W. But there is not a chance in heck that I would even consider telling her any of that...not through my actions or my words...that, my friend is detaching.
Detaching is not treating her poorly, or showing her how much you DONT care, or ignoring her completely. Detaching is creating within YOU a frame of mind that you will be OK without her. It is establishing an emotional moat around your temple that does not let anyone who means you harm access. Right now, that is your W. You need to keep her out of your inner circle, only allowing her to see an external view that YOU control.
You need to be able to hear a song, see pictures, interact with people that remind you of her and come to terms with the fact that all of that is over and will not come back in the same form...but it happened and you are a better person because of it.
This inner strength comes from deep, deep soul searching, and from strength that you build up physically and emotionally. Acting with dignity and out of strength is attractive. Getting a life is attractive. Not being an emotional roller coaster, but rather a confident, energetic, stable individual is attractive.
Get yourself to a point where it doesn't matter if the pictures are up or down...either way you don't notice them...they are just...there.
