[BrightFuture]

Thank you, everyone. I feel better today. I was crazy busy at work and almost had no thoughts about H and what he’s been doing. Yay!

It is finding strategies to deal with that hurt and rejection that takes skill, and part of it is feeling the emotions and acknowledging them.

Be kind to yourself, you are moving through this - you don't see it but others do.

Thank you, Bea for reminding me that I don’t have to be completely over it, that I still need some time to process. I’m glad to hear that you see that I’m moving through this. I need this affirmation, so it doesn’t feel like a ground hog day every day all over again…

Bea is right, your h, just like the others, is in La La Land and right now, it's all about making himself feel good.

Job, he is trying hard to make himself good, isn’t he… I’m actually waiting for him to ask for his mail to be sent… Otherwise, it could accumulate here for another month and longer...

Heather, thanks so much for a thoughtful post. I don’t how you find time to not just show up, but really make a point in your posts. I’m very grateful for that. Burning Playboys will probably not give me much satisfaction. I actually realized that I’m holding this Playboy mailings as a wild card, hehe. I think this will mess up with any OW’s head, except if she is the kind of this crazy woman, and even then…

I always enjoy reading your posts because you seem so authentic with your feelings. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are a great lady

GB, thanks for telling me this. Sometimes I think I don’t have a skill to write and express myself. It is still a challenge for me.

It hurts, Bright. But it hurts more if you are analyzing things because right or wrong it hurts more. The problem is you may be wrong and hurting even more than you need to.

AJM, you are right on this one. OMG, it is so true! I only have the suspicions. I don’t know for sure, but my imagination takes me places, ya know… This is my nature… I’ve always been like that… I need to stop that, I need to find the way to change it. I was actually pretty successful today. I was busy at work, but I also kept reminding myself that I don’t need to imagine things, because they might not true after all.

2BHappy, yes, I’m making new friends. But I also value the old friends, and this where it could be hard. Because they are H’s friends too. I think I came to piece with this and I don’t get upset when they do things for H.

So, back to the analysis paralysis, LOL. I just cannot help it… According to the credit card transactions, H drove to that state where this possible ow lives (6-7 hour drive), then came to my city (5-6 hour drive), did the race in the morning of July 4th, then drove to that state again on July 5th, stayed one night at the hotel, then drove back to the state where he works (6-7 hour drive again.) Of coarse he didn’t have time to pick up the mail here at my house, LOL. This sounds like freaky crazy to me…

Today I got a text from him enquiring about the check that he expected to arrive at PO box. I picked up the check before I left for the vacation home, but had no time to deposit it. H’s text came across like he was a bit annoyed. I never sent him an update about the check. This might be the reason for him being grumpy. He didn’t address me by my name, it was a just a dry, business-like text like he used to send 2 years ago. So, I replied with the same “attitude”, that I got the check, but didn’t time have to deposit it yet. He then sent another text (again without addressing me by name) asking me to let him know the amount and asked me to take a picture of that check and send it to him. It sounded like he was not in a good mood. So, I replied with “sure”. I sent the pic of the check a few hours later, when I had a quick lunch break at work. He replied with “thanks”.

So, I guess the boy is back into his grumpy moods. I wonder if that “special” night with this ow didn’t work out, hehe. Or… he is trying to prove (to himself first) that he is not friends with me and it is just strictly the business. It’s like a teenager trying to prove to his GF that he is not dependent on and has no emotional connection with his Mom, LOL.

Thanks again to everyone for your replies. You guys keep me in check.