New marriage over pt2--help she's filing this week

[Aj8]

Thanks everyone . Rough three weeks for me , I will give her the ring back no fight . Don't care about money only her .

[ralphy]

That's a good start. Now, when you give it back, don't say "I don't care about money, I only care about you." Just give it to her. If she asks something like "why the change of heart", etc. Just say something like "because it's the right thing to do."

Don't expect a thanks, or a big smile, or a hug...She's going to look at it like a thief giving back her purse that he stole. (I know you didn't steal the ring from her, but she will look at it like you shouldn't have had it in the first place).

Really listen to what everyone on here tells you. It's hard. I resisted at first, I didn't trust anyone...but go back and read my first threads...I do all the time to remind myself how far I've come. (Note...I really haven't come that far, but compared to where I was emotionally just a few weeks ago, it's night and day).

[Aj8]

Thanks Ralphy she doesn't want me home when she gets her stuff and the ring so I'm defenitely not expecting any kind words from her. What's funny is three weeks ago she told me to keep the ring and sell it and pay off some credit cards , now she wants it , go figure .
Btw I'm getting used to her cold texts to me the last three weeks on just wanting a divorce, and coordinating when I'm not home so she picks up her stuff before her final move out in August .

[Aj8]

Hi everyone , question I think I know the answer to but my wife's birthday is coming up at the end of July and our wedding anniversary at the end of August , do I text her or send her anything? I'm thinking no bc I'm detaching and yesterday's text of the death of a dear pet to her just yielded a cold response from her

[Elly4]

You are right, Aj...she fired you from that job right now and will only see both of those as pressure/pursuing.

Hang in there! It truly will get easier. Just remember to self care. In the early days, that's the best we can do some days. Okay in the later days too, but not even close as often as now.

E

[Aj8]

Hi everyone , need some help . Wife's coming friday to get more of her stuff from our place . So last week as part of detaching and the fact it hurt looking at all our pictures all around the apartment , I took them down and put other stuff up with her not in them . Should I like put a framed wedding picture on my side of the bed to show I love /miss her still , because when she comes to the apartment (I won't be home , she doesn't want to see me) won't she get angry I took all our pictures down and think I don't care?

[ralphy]

So you took down all the pictures of her, but now you want one by your bed so it's the last thing you see when you go to bed, and the first thing you see in the morning?

You aren't detached. It's time to detach. She fired you. If your job fires you, would you keep a picture of your boss by the bed?

I think taking all the pictures down was the wrong move. It shows her you've been thinking about her. You should be too busy to be worrying about taking pictures down. You'll get to those when you have time. Right now you're out having too much fun to worry about pictures on the wall.

[ralphy]

I also think you acknowledge her birthday with a quick "happy birthday" text, but don't acknowledge your anniversary. I'm not an expert at this though, but I'm looking through a different lens...she knows that you know it's her birthday. No divorce or separation or fighting between you changes the day of her birth. I think if you ignore it completely, it makes it obvious that you are intentionally ignoring it. Just like taking the pictures down, I think sometimes you can look desperate/trying to make a statement rather than just be genuine.

[Bob723]

Hi Aj,

I just wanted to stop by and inform you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have not forgotten about you! How are you feeling?

Please keep a PMA, don’t give up and keep moving forward. We all have your back.

Your friend,

Bob

[Aj8]

Ralphy I genuinely needed to take the pics down , it was hard looking at them, I did that for me , I want to just put that pic by the bed for Friday so she sees i still care?
On her b-day I'm nervous to text anything because look at her response to a dear family members death (my fathers and my dog) .