So, where do I go from here? When she comes over for dinner tomorrow, what do I say?
What did you tell her, exactly, was the purpose for the dinner? Is she having dinner with you in your home?
If your W is wayward, she will not respond to you pursuing her romantically. (Although, don't be surprised if she asks for a hug, b/c she wants to keep you dangling on the line. It is not the same as her desiring you as her H). I realize that it is your nature to pursue, but until you know if she's involved with another person, I suggest you step back. You can't successfully deal with a WW like you would do if you were dating. It is due to her mindset and waywardness. That is why you have to be 100% on board........if you want to save the M. Anytime you are faced with a wayward spouse, you have to approach in a different manner than you would if she wasn't wayward.
My suggestion is to not be so "easy" for her to pull you in. If she really is wayward, she needs to "work" to get you back. First, she has to believe she is losing you. It has to hit her that she has set you free.....and you will be an eligible bachelor. Even though you may not have any interest in being on the market again, she should think about it. Know what I mean? Many WW's are so self-centered about their own freedom, until they don't think through that the LBH will be free, too. You have already seen she still feels jealous, and frankly, that's a good sign. But don't misunderstand me, I am not telling you to intentionally make her jealous. I would not advise you to jump into dating anyone right now. But at the same time, you don't give her promises of always waiting. See the difference? It is when she realizes she is losing you, that shakes her up. If she doesn't care about losing you, then it will be much more difficult for her to turn back to the M. If I am not making myself clear, please tell me.
She will sense when you truly pull away. Even if she's just keeping tabs on your personal life, she'll ask questions. This is where you have to give vague answers, without lying. She will want to know where you are going, or who is going with you, etc. (and just like you are asking mutual friends about her, don't think she's not asking her share of questions, too). A WW can get downright nosy and ask questions as if she still has the right to do so! No, she left, remember. So, when she does ask something along those lines, you can just look at her and either chuckle and shake you head (as if in amazement) or you can something like, "Seiously?". Or, "Unbelieveable". But don't sound as if you want to start a fight or have a R talk. Just say it in a low, soft tone of voice. You can always just smile at her, say nothing, and walk away. She'll get the message that it is none of her business......and she put herself in this position.
Your position is not to present yourself as being a cold, angry, vindictive, jerk. She needs to feel attraction. So, in order to do so, she first needs to think you are losing interest in her. (I know this may not make sense to you, but it is how it works with a WW).
Think of yourself as though you are dealing with a little old lady who you aren't attracted to nor interested in developing a relationship. You know how you would treat a little old nosy lady, right? You wouldn't get chummy with the little old lady, or try to sneak in a touch here & there, ask her on a date, ask her about her personal life/plans, etc. You would be polite, and move on. Right? That's basically what you need to do with your W, at the moment. B/c the more she sees you being interested in her, the more she will pull away.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
