Squiggy ... That list is much better .. more about things you can do. Big points, no pressure ... and the undivided attention thing, eye contact the whole time I found was a huge deal. My W has been floored with that 180 I did there, and has commented on how much of a better listener I have been .... eliminating the TV and computer when I get home helped here.
Back to the NC letter. With my sitch I demanded one about this time last year (she was on the fence about wanting 'us'), demanded no FB .. NC all that, it was more out of control than anything, and at the time .. W was no where near the "I will do what it takes to commit to the M" so it backfired badly as it was a boundary that I thought I set, and ended up had no way of enforcing ... as she pretty much went "ok, good luck I will see and talk to who I want as I have been"
Something that I stumbled on after that helped was a post Robx had and something I took a little from. Was along the lines of .. If I have to waste energy worried about you contacting OM this does not work out for me, its not a M or R I would want where we are trying to rebuild trust. Along with Starsky "Trust but Verify" outlook is where I am now, taking little bits here and there as all our sitches are similar but different.
My W is not working at the moment, she TM often and tells me what she is upto, where, and how long she might be, all this has been voluntary on her part (I wonder why and where she learned this as I never brought up that I needed this sa I don't) ... she could easily be with OM all day as far as I know.... but she knows that would be it ... not just a 'opps I slipped' .. but a 'sign the papers I am done'. I can not tell you how liberating it is this way as when OM and A started up I was insane about it. Now, I am not insecure, I am confident, calm and assured.
