Totally agree. He's in a tricky spot being both our friend, and I am concerned that he doesn't overshare my side. He said he doesn't, but of course it's tough territory and I have to be care.
I would detach from him a bit, if your W gets a whiff that he has been talking to you about her .. bad ... even worse if he relays any intel for her .. BAD, you need to detach from her and have her wondering what you are doing. Its typically not good to be talking to family or friends about relationships .. forces them to take a side one way or the other, and becomes awkward if you reconcile later.
Originally Posted By: t33
Yep, again I understand and agree. So hard to deal with this. I did see her phone this morning and she did text him on Monday, after our great weekend. Not much conversation, but the gist was,
W: Do you want me to continue texting you? OM: I don't mind. W: Have you missed us?
More innocuous texting, but no response to the question. So, A detox back to Day 1 (for now).
^^ Tells you what you need to know, she is still all about the A and the OM. Regardless of how 'great' a weekend you two have.
With you availible, how does she miss you? How will she question what she has done? ... Right now, she won't
Originally Posted By: t33
I took a while to respond because I wanted to think about the answers and it's difficult to come up with 5 of each. Here goes for now:
5 things you like about yourself
I'm in a good career position and increasingly successful with good opportunities ahead
I am a great father and my kids love me
I like exploring new things and enjoy new foods and experiences
My family is financially comfortable
People look up to me and enjoy my company
5 Things you don't
I work so many hours I'm not always around for my family
I don't have many friends
Other than work I don't really have any hobbies (or desire for any)
I'm not as confident as people think I am
My focus at work is not there and my performance is suffering
Can you see how Detaching, 180, PMA and most of all GAL would really nuke the top 5 things you are not happy about? Now next question, how much of that do you need to suffer through to start actually DBing and make some changes in your life?
Originally Posted By: t33
The friend she went to dinner with called me today. Told me that she opened up about not loving me and that she was set on getting a divorce, etc. Basically told me that she was taking me for a ride and sucking as much money as she could along the way. When her friend asked if she'd contacted a divorce lawyer yet, she said she was just taking it day by day. I guess that means she's not out yet. I'm sure it's still her wrapped into the EA, and rewriting history, but very troubling and demoralizing.
Again.... you have to many people feeding you to much info on where your W is. She is either laying the grounds so the D will not be a shock, or they are mindreading and giving you their takes on things .... T33 HOW is THIS HELPING YOU?... its not .. it has you all up in her head and obsessed with what she does, where she goes, and whith whom ..... guess how she is obsessed with .. OM she can not have .. can you see the trend here>?
Thanks to this I have that stupid J Geils Band song stuck in my head .. "you love her, she loves him, he loves somebody else man you just can't win"
Until you realize all the energy you are wasting .. and I do mean wasting on her would be more benificial spent on DB'ing for you, rebuilding your confidence, getting to a place where you are ok no matter what she does, when, with who .. you are going to be sadly stuck.
DBing will not work if you half ass it ... wont work if you just pick a thing here and there. You need to become the better man in all this .. regardless of what your W does.
