Problem is, I get stuck before I even begin. Everything I need to do swirls around in my head. I feel behind and set up for failure before I even start. Then, I freeze.
After years of trying harder... over and over and over over... I'm beginning to see more to it than just a minor tweak here and there.
If my brain was a computer, it would crash repeatedly.
This fits for me:
"Many people with ADHD live in a constant state of stress. Their neurobiology makes it difficult to screen out competing stimuli, focus, and slow down, all of which increase frustration levels. Being unable to measure up to people’s expectations or feeling guilty about missing deadlines at work creates additional tension."
The challenge is... how to take this rather challenging set of tasks I have to complete weekly and make it work? How do I reduce the tension? Get things done? Be kind to myself?
So far, today for instance, I've spent the last 7 hours hating myself and feeling the anxiety build. I woke up at 6 and haven't gotten much of anything done, except got to the office. Already, I feel that my week is shot and it only just begun. My next deadline is Tuesday evening. I feel like I've failed before I've even started.
Here's a list I put together to help stay organized with work. It's the main tasks I have for the paper. There's more stuff like the office hours, maintaining a presence in the community, building up a stockpile of stories, meetings, etc... Then, I have homeschooling. Then, there's stuff like my crazy financial sitch and bill paying. And, throw in a car registration issue, broken side mirror...
I'm sick of trying harder and beating myself up. I feel the tension in my shoulders as I type this.
********* Master Schedule
Wednesdays or Earlier... *MOVE OVER UNUSED STORIES in Saxo-DONE *Create list of 3 features, 1 news item, community profile person and public forum question (Where, when, question) Front Page Briefs (I need approximately 8 items—others can be moved to filler for Pages 8 and Page 5—or Page 3 if sports related) 1. Go through Email/Etc… 2. Create Doc for next week’s briefs (Have two MUSTS so far) 3. Forward items to Holly
Feature with Art—Pierrepont Manor Improvement Club 1. Interview--DONE 2. Rough Story 3. Art—Needs CAPTION 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma Feature with art—Smithville Cemetery (Same man has managed cemetery since 1959, alone) 1. Interview—Scheduled for Monday at 10 a.m. 2. Rough Story 3. Art—Monday at 10 a.m. in cemetery 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma News Story 1. Interview 2. Rough Story 3. Art? 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma Page 2 1. Go through Email 2. Forward items to Holly 3. Cal Art Page 3 1. Check with Greg Thursday/Friday—Round Up and Upcoming Articles 2. Sports Feature i) Interview ii) Rough Story iii) Art iv) Saxo v) Judy/Wilma
3. Art (Check with Greg—Justin/Amanda) 4. Sports Cal i) Gather info-add to Saxo ii) Format iii) Judy/Wilma Page 4 1. Column 2. Stamps 3. Quote 4. Letter 5. Public Forum Page 5 1. Lunches 2. Recipes 3. Wild Art Page 8 1. Community Profile i) Interview ii) Art iii) Saxo/Draft to Judy/Wilma 2. Wild Art In Saxo with caption to Judy/Wilma 3. Possible Brief items 4. Feature/News items?? Social Media Maintain daily presence on Facebook
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
