I'm sorry you have to feel this pain. In some ways, I think your situation has been harder than most because of his lack of action on any front. He has been quite the teenage load.
You have been living in-between for a long time. His inaction and reliance on you to handle some of the business details of his life has been very emotionally abusive, in my opinion.
Maybe this is your chance to reclaim some of YOU back from this situation he has thrust you in? What do you want separate from him?
Even in my darkest moments, when I realized I still had ME and I could freely go after what I wanted in this life... I always felt better.
What dreams do you have for you?
But, you don't have to DO anything today. And, you don't have to beat yourself up any longer for just being where you are. There is no shame in honoring your marriage commitment. You have graciously given this man the space and freedom to find himself.
Personally, at this stage, I'd take great satisfaction in burning those Playboys. Seriously, a harmless way to get past some of the anger. Take them to the back yard and set them aflame.
What helps me is staying in the moment. It's not a magic cure, but it helps. Breathe deeply and just focus on what's around you in this moment.
Take what you need and leave the rest.
Much Love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
