Please don't doubt that there was some goodness, connection in your relationship with your wife. I only say this because I feel that my ex thought that because I was talking about my unhappiness with my life( feeling unfilled in my work, with no other opportunities to pursue other work because of the very small town we lived in, that I felt isolated and lonely due moving away from my home town, and because I wanted him to priorize "us/me more" ) that i was saying ALL of our life was crap, that he was crap. it all sounded like blame to him. This wasn't in fact the case. I loved the life we were building, I just needed a few more things than he was capable of providing at that time ( I am now beginning to think possibly ever but this is new thought).
As for your 1-3. No not all,women turn into emotional monsters when not getting their needs meet or triggered to childhood issues. And yes men do need to learn to manage women's waves of emotion and insercuity. But they don't need to manage and tolerate abuse. And as I have come to understand the man cave and the distance created by a mans occupation there is an essential part of managing his emotional well being and ability to stay emotionally engaged to his spouse. (Man cave for me = rejection and abandonment= emotional monster). As for number 3 some men do leave, thus why I am here and you are in your current position.
I never dreamed in a million years I would behave in such a manner as to leaving my ex feeling small and blamed and abused. I loved him, why would I treat him in such a way. I know the answers now, but that's after losing him and being confronted with that loss. I look back now and wonder what exactly I was unhappy about. It was all so surmountable.
Being dedicated to your family U, is an extremely honourable and attractive quality and should never be undervalued. I appreciate your sentiment about it making you vulnerable to maybe not seeing things or acting as assertively as you may have liked. But it sounds to me that you are well on your way to addressing this.
PS I'm a fair weather rider too! I was told by my first boyfriend also a cyclist that I needed to make the wind my friend...I did a 100 km bike event and it had a head wind for the last 25km, let me tell you the wind was not my friend and I told it so. Unclassy language for a girl!
