[BrightFuture]

I feel like either of us can’t make that final cut. Now, with these “news” about that ow, that H connected to, I wonder if the dynamics will change. She stayed at the condo a few weeks ago (he was not there.) But, now, I’m thinking he will invite her over to stay there when he is there. And that is when the hell will break loose, LOL.

So, H was in my city this past weekend, going to the race with his brother. I came home tonight, and his mail is still here… Meaning, he didn’t come to the house to collect it. He was in TOWN! I guess, he is busy with this new R, and doesn’t give a sh!t about the mail or anything else (like company audit.) I’m going to wait for him to ask about his mail before I make any effort to send it to him. These are two issues of Playboy already, LOL. Will see when he will remember about that, hehe.

Like I mentioned before, I feel like I’m bipolar… I’m good and don’t give a sh!t one time, then I’m sad and heartbroken again… Then I feel some compassion, thinking that hooking up with this woman is going to be good for H… Maybe he will stop drinking heavily… Then… I’m angry again, thinking that I will make very hard for H, in regards to the vacation home… I just don’t know what my feelings are going to be tomorrow… This s@cks... Why am I so stubborn? Why I just cannot let go?

Part of this is I love going to the vacation home so much, I cannot see how I can make that “final cut” and not deprive myself from having a good time over there.

Now, this woman who I think H recently hooked up with, knows the same people I know over there. My mutual friends know her. Why does it have to be this way? Why H cannot find himself a completely random woman, who has no connections to the vacation home? Why does he has to make it so difficult for everyone? I’m thinking my mutual friends are not going to be very thrilled about that.

I feel like the door to a possible reconciliation is closing very fast for me. I wish I just can make that “final cut” right now…