Just an FYI...there are tidbits of truth and effective strategies in "Plan RobX'" but it's NOT DB'ing. It's plan Robx. Limited in scope and depth by his own singular personal experience. He mixes his own philosophies and terrible advice and he's simply a nobody, LIKE ALL OF US HERE, except Michele Weiner-Davis. Stick with the real expert and her LRT if you really want to save your marriage.
BTW, Robx was banned from DB and several other infidelity forums. I surprised that post is allowed here because it's promoting another plan, "Plan Robx", that is being literally presented as DB.
My personal opinion. I think Plan RobX is divorce advice.
I'd also surmise his experience doesn't apply to your situation because you DID NOT roll over completely on your wayward wife. You stood up for yourself. She moved out. You exposed and you basically haven't taken her spew (sure you avoided it, but you didn't just take it and accept all the blame). Your wife is pursuing you.
There are some good points so it's not a complete waste of "ink". I was thinking of suggesting a couple similar points though. For example, I think you'd approach this "having second thoughts conversation" from the aspect that YOU are the one now having second thoughts. You thought you were done with the marriage and moving on but when you spend more and more time with your kids and see the effects it's having on them; you just KNOW you have to try. Basically, you PRESUME her interest because YOU are the awesome dad, good provider, super guy that has confidence and mojo....of course, she wants to get back together with you. You almost apologize for not approaching her with your feelings earlier. Just don't give talking about her second thoughts much ground. Why wouldn't she have second thoughts, it's not like you had an affair. Now, don't SAY that. You just proceed "as if"....being fun and confident. You aren't there to talk her into giving you a second chance and it'd be nice to slip in a couple boundaries you are going to require before you are willing to commit full steam to recovery (she needs to leave working anywhere near OM). It should be a primary condition prerequisite to her moving back home along with ending the divorce filing.
Read up on "Presumptive Closing" as a sales technique because that's basically the strategy you'll implement. Might avoid some spew because you aren't there to listen to her grievances. You are there to talk about the future.
When you meet her. If the conversation gets deep you might also use a DB type - Solution Focused Brief Therapy type - MIRACLE Question: Ask your wife to close her eyes and envision a future where you both have a wonderful happy marriage and family and ask her to describe what that would look like to her, then ask her to be specific with first what you'd be doing in such vision and then what she'd be doing in such vision. Listen long and hard. Let her wonder around with this focusing her on the future versus spewing about the past. Then you say, "we are both reasonable logical intelligent individuals that should have no problem developing a plan and implementing those behaviors until they become our habits and achieving a marriage both of us with enjoy and be fully satisfied with. I know that doesn't sound romantic but it can be. Basically we both want the same thing, a romantic and loving marriage of extraordinary care. We just never knew how to do it. I've been learning a lot lately and I'd like to lead us there if you want. I can't do it alone. It won't be easy, but I'm willing to try. Our children deserve a shot at that vision too."
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
