Can you please go over to the Newcomer's forum and take a look at bttrfly's thread titled MLC or Unmanaged Hyphothyroidism?? I don't know how this can affect or worsen a person's MLC. So I thought you would be the best person to answer that question.
Ok. I'm done with this anxiety. I'm so done with this anxiety.
I put the paper out yesterday. Number 35. It wasn't the best issue, but it wasn't the worst.
The company has given me these new office hours in an effort to help me with the burden... I don't have to be in the office until 11 a.m. through 1 p.m.
Still, I wake up this morning with dread and anxiety. Overwhelming anxiety. Not enough to push me into a full blown panic, but enough to slow me down and paralyze me. I dread reading my emails, I dread the phone, I dread the list of tasks to put together the next issue. In part, I had two community members tell me they are disappointed in parts of the paper. Not all of the paper, but the sports page and something else? I can't remember. And, I didn't work as hard last week, so I feel some shame or something? IDK. I effin hate my brain.
I'm back on the AD. Hoping that will help some.
In some ways, I am so close to having everything I've wanted. I have my own office... an office where I can bring D12. I'm writing for a community that likes me. I have a decent paycheck. The company has things in place to help me proof my work. I complain about the rent, but our new home is beautiful and we have this spectacular view each morning. D12 needs friends, but we have this fabulous special needs teacher as her tutor.
If I consistently put out a decent paper each week, I could easily freelance on the side. I could build up freelance clients with no problem.
But, I wake up each morning with this enormous, all-consuming dread of one million things needing my attention and I shut down. Then, I avoid.
I still feel them watching me, the company, and I know that's the truth... but, in other ways, I have this great situation.
I'm angry with myself for not being able to overcome this anxiety. And, when speaking with that therapist last week, I see this long thread of shame shadowing me my whole life. I don't know how to break free from the anxiety.
It takes one small comment or thought to set me off into this swirl of self-doubt and overwhelm.
Then, I try harder and I fail and it starts all over again.
But, I know I NEED to stop beating myself up for it. I'm not sure this is a case where I need to try harder.
Maybe that's the root of the weed? Ever since I was a kid, I've created these plans to start over and do better.
IDK. Just thinking aloud. I'm sick of it though. I'm sick of the pressure every day. The pressure of my own head.
No news from the western front. Didn't expect any actually. I'm sure Monday rattled him. I don't think he planned on getting honest about missing us. He did call and actually talk to D20. First time in 1.5 years that they spoke. I'm glad of that.
Leaving him to his own messy life. He doesn't feel like my problem to fix any longer and there's freedom in that. I, however, need to fix this problem of mine which has impacted my life profoundly.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I kinda think the answer lies in what Ellie posted. I'm not sure how exactly? But, I think that's the bit I'm missing.
It's something in my core... something having to do with how I value myself.
Over and over again, since I was a kid, putting myself in these overwhelming situations to prove my worth.
I started my own newspaper before. I had a small child and an alcoholic husband. I was going to prove I could do it. I burned out.
I went from graduating with a degree in Eng. Lit. to becoming a grad asst in Nutrition. Why? Because it was a challenge. I burned out but got some great grades.
Always taking on the impossible.
One-man-band of a newspaper and homeschooling my daughter as a single parent.
I see a trend.
D12 and I have been playing tennis every night with the choc. lab and loving it. Thought I'd mention that. It's been fun. :-)
Last edited by LoisB; 07/08/1502:15 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm an older poster, under a different name, which I'd rather keep hush hush. But I've been following you for a while.
I think you are trying really hard and have done a lot for yourself. Doing everything alone is very difficult and overwhelming, but you are doing it!
Some things that are noteworthy and I feel are worth posting about (when I haven't posted in almost a year to anyone) is your anxiety. Anxiety is real and it can certainly be debilitating. The anxiety you feel before your job, well, most likely isn't the particular job. Seems to be a bit high stress, yes. But the particular things that give you anxiety with this job are normal for EVERY job. Deadlines, upper management pressure, office hours feedback....... you are going to get that everywhere.
So, I was thinking of some options you might want to consider. First thing you can do is properly manage your anxiety with the right meds. Do you have health insurance? Perhaps seeing a psychiatrist who can prescribe will help you manage the ups and downs and the anxiety, ALONG with ADD, along with behavioral techniques. Going on and of AD's is only going to hurt you. Especially when you manage them yourself. The right balance of the proper meds would probably go a LONG way for you.
Another option for you, surprisingly enough, would be a very structured job. I believe you think perhaps more freedom is best for you, to work on your time, but looking from the outside, I think deadlines which need to be met when you are freely managing your own time are giving you is causing you to get way overwhelmed. Perhaps a job that has concrete hours with a concrete job description would give you no choice but to get what you need to get done. Don't get me wrong, there will still be pressures for completed work, working to your full potential, and feedback, sometimes good and sometimes bad. But sometimes someone else giving you all the tools to get the job done, helps.
There are also things you can take off your plate, I have mentioned them before, and I wont mention them again, although you look like you are considering and looking into it.
And don't look at things as impossible tasks. There is nothing impossible. Everything is doable. You just have to look at them that way. Start putting the UNECESSARY tasks away in a drawer for a later date.
I wish you luck as always. I see good things for you, but you have to try to stop getting in your own way:)
I've adjusted my work schedule after reading this excellent article through LinkedIn. Now, I eat frogs nonstop in the mornings and it has done me wonders. Slight schedule adjustment for me....and it did me wonders.
Enjoy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 11 critical things ultra-productive people do differently TRAVIS BRADBERRY, LINKEDIN MAY 20, 2015
LinkedIn Influencer Dr. Travis Bradberry originally published this post on LinkedIn.
When it comes to productivity, we all face the same challenge — there are only 24 hours in a day. Yet some people seem to have twice the time; they have an uncanny ability to get things done. Even when juggling multiple projects, they reach their goals without fail. Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can’t afford to lose. —Thomas Edison
We all want to get more out of life. There's arguably no better way to accomplish this than by finding ways to do more with the precious time you've been given. It feels incredible when you leave the office after an ultra-productive day. It's a workplace high that's hard to beat. With the right approach, you can make this happen every day. You don’t need to work longer or push yourself harder — you just need to work smarter.
Ultra-productive people know this. As they move through their days they rely on productivity hacks that make them far more efficient. They squeeze every drop out of every hour without expending any extra effort.
The best thing about these hacks is they're easy to implement. So easy that you can begin using them today. Give them a read, give them a whirl, and watch your productivity soar. They Never Touch Things Twice
Productive people never put anything in a holding pattern, because touching things twice is a huge time-waster. Don’t save an email or a phone call to deal with later. As soon as something gets your attention you should act on it, delegate it or delete it. They Get Ready for Tomorrow Before They Leave the Office
Productive people end each day by preparing for the next. This practice accomplishes two things: it helps you solidify what you’ve accomplished today, and it ensures you’ll have a productive tomorrow. It only takes a few minutes and it’s a great way to end your workday.
For every minute spent organizing, an hour is earned. —Benjamin Franklin
They Eat Frogs
“Eating a frog” is the best antidote for procrastination, and ultra-productive people start each morning with this tasty treat. In other words, they do the least appetizing, most dreaded item on their to-do list before they do anything else. After that, they’re freed up to tackle the stuff that excites and inspires them.
They Fight The Tyranny Of The Urgent
The tyranny of the urgent refers to the tendency of little things that have to be done right now to get in the way of what really matters. This creates a huge problem as urgent actions often have little impact.
If you succumb to the tyranny of the urgent, you can find yourself going days, or even weeks, without touching the important stuff. Productive people are good at spotting when putting out fires is getting in the way of their performance, and they’re willing to ignore or delegate the things that get in the way of real forward momentum.
Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. —William Penn
They Stick to the Schedule During Meetings
Meetings are the biggest time waster there is. Ultra-productive people know that a meeting will drag on forever if they let it, so they inform everyone at the onset that they’ll stick to the intended schedule. This sets a limit that motivates everyone to be more focused and efficient.
The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. —Michael Altshuler
They Say No
No is a powerful word that ultra-productive people are not afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, they avoid phrases such as I don’t think I can or I’m not certain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.
Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Learn to use no, and it will lift your mood, as well as your productivity.
They Only Check E-mail At Designated Times
Ultra-productive people don’t allow e-mail to be a constant interruption. In addition to checking e-mail on a schedule, they take advantage of features that prioritize messages by sender. They set alerts for their most important vendors and their best customers, and they save the rest until they reach a stopping point. Some people even set up an autoresponder that lets senders know when they’ll be checking their e-mail again.
They Don’t Multitask
Ultra-productive people know that multitasking is a real productivity killer. Research conducted at Stanford University confirms that multitasking is less productive than doing a single thing at a time. The researchers found that people who are regularly bombarded with several streams of electronic information cannot pay attention, recall information or switch from one job to another as well as those who complete one task at a time.
But what if some people have a special gift for multitasking? The Stanford researchers compared groups of people based on their tendency to multitask and their belief that it helps their performance. They found that heavy multitaskers—those who multitask a lot and feel that it boosts their performance—were actually worse at multitasking than those who like to do a single thing at a time. The frequent multitaskers performed worse because they had more trouble organizing their thoughts and filtering out irrelevant information, and they were slower at switching from one task to another. Ouch. Multitasking reduces your efficiency and performance because your brain can only focus on one thing at a time. When you try to do two things at once, your brain lacks the capacity to perform both tasks successfully.
They Go off The Grid
Don’t be afraid to go off grid when you need to. Give one trusted person a number to call in case of emergency, and let that person be your filter. Everything has to go through them, and anything they don’t clear has to wait. This strategy is a bulletproof way to complete high-priority projects.
One man gets only a week’s value out of a year while another man gets a full year’s value out of a week. — Charles Richards
They Delegate
Ultra-productive people accept the fact that they’re not the only smart, talented person in their organization. They trust people to do their jobs so that they can focus on their own.
They Put Technology to Work for Them
Technology catches a lot of flak for being a distraction, but it can also help you focus. Ultra-productive people put technology to work for them. Beyond setting up filters in their e-mail accounts so that messages are sorted and prioritized as they come in, they use apps like IFTTT, which sets up contingencies on your smart phone and alerts you when something important happens.
This way, when your stock hits a certain price or you have an email from your best customer, you’ll know it. There’s no need to be constantly checking your phone for status updates.
Bringing It All Together
We’re all searching for ways to be more efficient and productive. I hope these strategies help you to find that extra edge.
Problem is, I get stuck before I even begin. Everything I need to do swirls around in my head. I feel behind and set up for failure before I even start. Then, I freeze.
After years of trying harder... over and over and over over... I'm beginning to see more to it than just a minor tweak here and there.
If my brain was a computer, it would crash repeatedly.
This fits for me:
"Many people with ADHD live in a constant state of stress. Their neurobiology makes it difficult to screen out competing stimuli, focus, and slow down, all of which increase frustration levels. Being unable to measure up to people’s expectations or feeling guilty about missing deadlines at work creates additional tension."
The challenge is... how to take this rather challenging set of tasks I have to complete weekly and make it work? How do I reduce the tension? Get things done? Be kind to myself?
So far, today for instance, I've spent the last 7 hours hating myself and feeling the anxiety build. I woke up at 6 and haven't gotten much of anything done, except got to the office. Already, I feel that my week is shot and it only just begun. My next deadline is Tuesday evening. I feel like I've failed before I've even started.
Here's a list I put together to help stay organized with work. It's the main tasks I have for the paper. There's more stuff like the office hours, maintaining a presence in the community, building up a stockpile of stories, meetings, etc... Then, I have homeschooling. Then, there's stuff like my crazy financial sitch and bill paying. And, throw in a car registration issue, broken side mirror...
I'm sick of trying harder and beating myself up. I feel the tension in my shoulders as I type this.
********* Master Schedule
Wednesdays or Earlier... *MOVE OVER UNUSED STORIES in Saxo-DONE *Create list of 3 features, 1 news item, community profile person and public forum question (Where, when, question) Front Page Briefs (I need approximately 8 items—others can be moved to filler for Pages 8 and Page 5—or Page 3 if sports related) 1. Go through Email/Etc… 2. Create Doc for next week’s briefs (Have two MUSTS so far) 3. Forward items to Holly
Feature with Art—Pierrepont Manor Improvement Club 1. Interview--DONE 2. Rough Story 3. Art—Needs CAPTION 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma Feature with art—Smithville Cemetery (Same man has managed cemetery since 1959, alone) 1. Interview—Scheduled for Monday at 10 a.m. 2. Rough Story 3. Art—Monday at 10 a.m. in cemetery 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma News Story 1. Interview 2. Rough Story 3. Art? 4. Saxo 5. Judy/Wilma Page 2 1. Go through Email 2. Forward items to Holly 3. Cal Art Page 3 1. Check with Greg Thursday/Friday—Round Up and Upcoming Articles 2. Sports Feature i) Interview ii) Rough Story iii) Art iv) Saxo v) Judy/Wilma
3. Art (Check with Greg—Justin/Amanda) 4. Sports Cal i) Gather info-add to Saxo ii) Format iii) Judy/Wilma Page 4 1. Column 2. Stamps 3. Quote 4. Letter 5. Public Forum Page 5 1. Lunches 2. Recipes 3. Wild Art Page 8 1. Community Profile i) Interview ii) Art iii) Saxo/Draft to Judy/Wilma 2. Wild Art In Saxo with caption to Judy/Wilma 3. Possible Brief items 4. Feature/News items?? Social Media Maintain daily presence on Facebook
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
As much as I liked that therapist last week. I think what I really need is something more akin to an organizational coach. She was very invested in digging into my childhood. I've been there over and over.
What I really need is some solution-based ways/support to handle all that's on my plate without this continual, daily, build-up of tension where I am running like a fiend trying to find some relief through avoidance.
The company is releasing its rather strong grip on me to see how I will manage. I don't want to screw this up.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And, I create problem where there was no problem to begin with. I make things harder for myself by avoiding until there's an issue where I didn't have an issue.
I do see value in looking at the repeating patterns in my life.
Expect perfection. See a myriad of things needing done including things that excite me and tasks I hate. Anxiety builds. Overwhelm. Freeze. Procrastinate. Hate myself. Get up and try harder. Whole cycle starts over.
Story of my life. I want a different story.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
