I can tell you, my 'friend' has been there for me. He commended me for not taking anymore of my H's abuse...and sometimes would also say he felt sorry for my H, too. What a mess. He's been setting this stage for a long time. When my M first started falling apart, "well, Z, I can tell you that you are the most difficult friend I have, it's like shucking oysters trying to get you to open up." GROSS! Now I get it. I wasn't opening up all the way to his satisfaction.
Also over-involved in my life. I missed so many signs along the way, I feel like such a juvenile. He would make comments pointing out the nice things he had done for my H and I - I mean, now, I look at it like, who does that? What friend constantly needs to tell you how much they care for you and like you?
But - your W set you up to hear a phone call like this? For what reason? It sounds like she is creating a lot of drama. How embarrassing for him. And she wants a D and puts you through this for what purpose, so you can see how weird your neighbor is?
She can set boundaries with this guy if she wants to. By listening, it is accepting. The boundary I finally set was that I do not wish to receive any more communication in this direction, and all hell broke loose.
She can decline his offers for help and set distance. She can quit involving him and choose to reach out to someone else. Unless she just likes the attention?
I'm sorry, WhyUs. Really.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
