So ... in the hmwk we do .. its basically a letter you write to your spouse, in it one of my assignments is I talk about a trait W does and how I feel about it. For as long as I can recall, when we hug .. and I mean really hug. She has this cute way of putting her feet on top of mine, when we were young she would tell me her feet are so pretty she was doing me a favor and hiding my caveman feet from the world ... was always 'our' thing. So I wrote about that as she had done it that morning and has been doing it more often as of late.
During this entire crisis ... just a handful of times she would do this. Call me nuts ... but if anything it was that little thing, that action that made me feel the girl I knew and loved was deep down in there some where and this was her way of saying 'hi, don't give up on me'.
During our heart to heart .. she brought this section up (I just mentioned the toe thing and how it was 'ours' and I found it endearing), I shared with her that in the past 2 years ... when she did that it was one of the things that stopped me from dropping it all, I felt that she was trying to tell me something even though she was lost, she smiled and told me "Yeah it was excactly like that, I remember doing those things wanting to tell you so many things but not able to look at you ashamed of what I've done, and in a way that was me telling you I Loved you"
