YEah .. this patient thing is my krypto I swear. I think I am going to hit up the book store this week and find a self-help book on the topic ... heck I have read more "Whats wrong with me and how to fix it" books this year than I have in my entire life. What is another one on the shelf?
Cadet ... yeah .. spot on and I have had the DB tool box on alert for some time, I have mentioned I have even used the principles at work & with S and they have been effective... MWD might be sitting on a gold mine here
So last night was interesting. W was fairly quiet all day, and I was good with that honestly. I picked up S and was headed home and called W thinking I could swing by and grab the dog, as it was my night with S (The schedule is cloudy as I have been over at her place frequently.) She did not pick up, but TM saying she was on the other line with her recruiter and called me back about 10 min after. I told her we just got home and was only calling to pick up the dog .... seemed to catch her offguard as the assumed I was coming over ... like it was 'home'. Asked if I was keeping S and I said yes, she went on to tell me she had resume stuff to do and it was ok to leave the dog there.
I started dinner for S and I, Sriracha burgers and tater-tots ... also tossed a pot roast in the crock for my lunches. W TM asking if we were going to do our 'homework' I TM her back that I would be available after dinner, asked when a good time would be, she said anytime. S and I ate, I took a shower and went over to her place .... not sure if I have mentioned after I have moved we live about 5 min apart.
I arrive and have S jump in the shower at her place, W and I start talking, she telling me about her day, new job opportunities and I just STFU and listen, but feeling detached. She asks is anything was going on and I assured her all was good ... and we should get ot our hmwk before S got out of the shower. So we did our thing, I see how the system is set up, the questions are trivial and its about expressing feelings and understanding the others feelings without conflict. We finish up and begin to talk. I shared a bit of my frustration with Saturdays events, and suprisingly she sipped on a STFU smoothie, never seen her do that. After she looked at me and told me she sees the pain I am in, she knows why, she shared she wants toe old fun Cali back. We talked about that, about what I need to get there, telling her thats a side of me that has not died but I have to feel close, with time I believed it would come back. Was a good talk, we both understood how things happened and the factors that lead up to it.
Then she started sharing a few things I found interesting. She told me not to get upset, but wanted me to know... That it took the A for her to realize that the things she did to me, she did to OM, and realized it was not me as she always thought, as she always blamed for several things but infact was her ... it took the A for her to realize her faults, problems and issues. Since then she shared she has been doing alot of soul searching and going back to her childhood to address these issues. She described it as peeling back layers of an onion. Later in the evening she shared that she knows she has to fix herself and was hopeful that would help fix our M. I STFU and validated here and there ... thinking ... wow .. where have I heard all this before ...lol.
She asked me to stay the night, after that share session I felt comfortable doing so (I was going to just do Hmwk and go home) So I walked the dog .. grabbed the mail and came back in. Her PT who is helping her with her neck issue, also helping her with 'peeling back the layers' suggested a book after W had shared we had started reading SSM together last week(I was reading it and she wanted to read it with me) I looked into it and had the book shipped to W's place and it was in the mail. W had said that her PT told W it was a very positive thing that I took the initiative and ordered the book, which W sincerely thanked me for ... looking at this .. I did not think much of it but it is a 180 from Cali 1.0. So in bed we read a bit of it together, W seems very excited about this book, I think due to PT's recommendation, seems the IC with her is working well and she is starting to rediscover herself a bit.
So goal for myself... I must be patient and allow things to just progress as the will, you can not rush a plant to grow, nor force it to bloom.
