Thread for Prowl #2

[EyeTie]

Prowl, this helped me get through it.

I knew I wasn't the greatest husband a woman could ask for. At times I was selfish and put myself or our kids before her own needs.

While going through cancer treatment, I spent a lot of time in a hospital bed, just me and my thoughts. So I took my laptop with me and started jotting down every instance that I could think of, everytime her needs were not met by me. I then started a new document on all the great stuff I had done for her, the surprise trips, flying her parents up on her birthday, the special dinners, etc... I started to see her point of view, because she just focused on the negative. I focused on the positive and did away with the negative. Whenever something popped into my head, I added it to which ever list it belonged to.

As I had mentioned earlier, I am 8 months into this game. Where I am now as to where I was 8 months ago are completely different. Those that stuck by me often laugh about how bad of shape I was in and how good it is to see me back to "normal". The trick is to GAL, believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was go out in public when I felt like such a schmuck, but I did. I took a few cooking classes, I took a dance class (I am only 36 now, I was the youngest guy at the ballroom dancing class by a good 30 years), I found new hobbies that I never dreamed I would be interested in doing and got my kids involved in them too. And I found a church that "fits" me, I attend a divorcee class once in a while (when I am feeling the need), I am going to be going on a mission trip in a few months as well. These are all things I NEVER would have done before and it's driving my STBX crazy. One of her final words before before she left was "You will never change and the changes you have made so far are too little too late". That was 8 months ago, these changes have made me happy. These changes have made me a better person.

I have gone on a few dates too. Met some incredible women over the last few months, all well aware of my situation and know that I am not ready for anything serious. But it's nice to have someone to go to a movie with or go see a play (I am getting into the theater too now, weird). Take time to heal, take time for yourself.

One of the girls I spend time with just got out of a 15 year long relationship as well. She is absolutely amazing and I find myself enjoying her company more and more as time goes on. She knows my entire situation, from the cancer to the cheating, etc. It was my birthday a few weeks ago and she gave me a pocket watch, with an inscription of "Time is a Gift". It took me a few minutes to realize how true that phrase is. Time is a gift, time with my kids, time with myself, time with my friends, time. Time is something we will NEVER get back and right now, you are wasting time on a situation outside of your control. Believe me, it does get better, the days get easier, the nights more peaceful. It just takes time. BUT in the MEANTIME (no pun intended) get out there and GAL! It's one of the best pieces of advice I was given here because it really helps.