NLW and Bright - you are my cheerleaders and keep me grounded, so thank you so much.
Yesterday h and I were texting from lunchtime to bedtime, its been a very long time since we have done that.
We talked about everything and anything, it was nice.
One thing he asked was what my plans are for the next few months. I told him my two options -neither included him. He text back
h: none of your decisions or possible decisions mention me or us I see. Not saying that you should make plans around me but thought one might have something to do with it
m: I don't presume anything. You know I am interested, I have made no secret of that, but I am not going to jump in - if we decide that we want to move forwards with us then of course I am open to other options. This is your party, I am waiting for an invite, whether I rsvp is my choice
He is starting to see that I was not the whole cause of his unhappiness. One thing he left me for was because he felt I stopped him from making lots of friends - he has been gone over a year and made 0 new friends - um, I don't think he can blame me for this one anymore.
Interestingly we touched on the subject of his friends, that they have not been in touch with him since he left me - I said they were probably shocked about the split and that he replaced me so quickly, they did not know what to say to him - he replied " very few people knew about ow, I did not tell anyone and did not put anything on fb about her/us, not even photos. I wonder why, was she not at the time, the love of his life?
I asked him what has changed, why now - he said : I don't know what has changed. Have thought hard to find the specific thing/things and not come up with anything concrete. I believe I will, just not at the moment. All I know is that I think about you a lot more and worry about you - not so much because of guilt of putting you in this situation, but because I really care about you.
There really does sound some genuine thinking from him. I can't put it into words, but I feel a bit detached from this - like it is not real. IDK, perhaps its non belief we are having these conversations, or maybe it's the fear of getting hurt - I do have a huge worry that we will eventually meet up and he will not have that physical rush for me - or me for him. - but that is a way down the road yet, so should not overthink things before I am faced with them.
So thats all from me today - just carrying on - still making my plans without including him in them - just now more aware of changing them ...or finding a compromise ... omg, I have pleased myself for a year now, so to have to think of someone else again ......
