Falling Pianos: Wayward Wife & LRT (8)

[Zues126]

I don't disagree with GB's post to a point, and I can see that being ok if executed well.

I have personally gone the other route. Detach, GAL, 180's, and LRT.

My wife is an addict. I have boundaries. I'm not here to enable her. I'm not here to teach her consequences. I'm not her dad. I'm not her counselor. And while we may be married in name, when she tells me the M is over and begins her serial affairs she is no longer under the umbrella being my W.

For there to be any chance of R, SHE needs to overcome her addiction, she needs to work on herself, she needs to take responsibility for her actions, and overall she needs to step up.

I have boundaries, and for me I am not going to remain friends with the person who murdered my wife (this is how I view it).

My contribution to the chance of R will be my 180s, my GAL/detachment that allows me to stay strong and remain true to my vows. That is what I can do.

Her behavior is 100% on her, and it is on her to demonstrate to me that she wants things to change. If she won't do that then I'd prefer to finalize the divorce as it's been a year and I'm not a plan B.

If she wants to interpret my distance as disinterest in her wellbeing or our M...that too is on her. I'm not responsible for assumptions, mindreading, or projections on her part. I'm here if she wants to ask questions, but I'm not chasing her down and hoping she asks so I can make sure she knows my feelings on the matter.

GB- it's funny, I don't disagree with your post, believe it or not. I simply am unwilling to assume responsibility for my STBX's actions during the M, post BD, or in the future. I am walking a path I believe in, I am just no longer interested in trying to sell it to her in any way.

I see a lot of truth in me being a conflict avoider. I will reflect on that, I have been posting on the very topic. At the end of the day all I can say is that it's part of who I am, and while I can grow and change to some extent (and I have), I am good enough the way I am, and if she doesn't see my value I'm not going to blame myself for her choices or condemn myself for not being someone I'm not.