How did you pull away when she asked for space? Do you really think you are to blame for her going and having sex with someone? Really?
Validate her feeling: "I'm sorry you feel that I pulled away when you asked me to give you space, maybe you need to explain better to me what you meant by that so I can understand." "I'm sorry you feel mad, I'm trying to understand why respecting your wishes for space made you mad."
At this point, don't get into a fight about the A. You can't win right now, and if you try, it will be a bitter victory.
Get some space for yourself. I can't recall your sleeping arrangements, but see Sandi2's thread on WW. Ask her to leave the MBR. If she gets angry and tries something else, that is her bad choice. Stand up for yourself. You don't need to be mean, just firmly draw the boundaries so that you make clear that you will not accept certain behavior.
She will keep pushing you as long as she thinks you will back down. She may keep pushing anyway. You aren't pushing her out. She is doing this to herself and to you. Don't believe otherwise. It isn't about winning or punishing her, but you need to gain some space to sort all this out, and right now, that means asserting boundaries that give you that space.
And, don't you be the one to leave. You are not the one to have the A. You are not the one wanting to end the M.
Yes, the next chapter is going to be over the terms of separation. I have no intention of "leaving" my home and children. She seems to think I should be the one to go based on some logic of hers about who is the better parent.
One of the things we have discussed is setting up a 1 BR apt nearby where we will trade shifts. The kids stay in their house everyday but mom and dad switch off every few days. Has that sort of arrangement worked for others?
The alternative is 2 households with identical stuff (one where everything is more cramped and a little crappier) and we make the kids shuttle back and forth. The former would seem to be the more cost effective solution and easiest on the kids.
Me: 39 W: 38 T-18yrs M-13yrs 2 Girls: 10 & 3 EA BD 5/24/15 Separate Bedrooms 6/12/15 PA BD 7/3/15 Separate Residence 8/8/15
