2 Post - learning too slowly

[asitis]

How did you pull away when she asked for space? Do you really think you are to blame for her going and having sex with someone? Really?

Validate her feeling: "I'm sorry you feel that I pulled away when you asked me to give you space, maybe you need to explain better to me what you meant by that so I can understand." "I'm sorry you feel mad, I'm trying to understand why respecting your wishes for space made you mad."

At this point, don't get into a fight about the A. You can't win right now, and if you try, it will be a bitter victory.

Get some space for yourself. I can't recall your sleeping arrangements, but see Sandi2's thread on WW. Ask her to leave the MBR. If she gets angry and tries something else, that is her bad choice. Stand up for yourself. You don't need to be mean, just firmly draw the boundaries so that you make clear that you will not accept certain behavior.

She will keep pushing you as long as she thinks you will back down. She may keep pushing anyway. You aren't pushing her out. She is doing this to herself and to you. Don't believe otherwise. It isn't about winning or punishing her, but you need to gain some space to sort all this out, and right now, that means asserting boundaries that give you that space.

And, don't you be the one to leave. You are not the one to have the A. You are not the one wanting to end the M.