Still have hope

[kippz]

From what I have learned/read ... Nope .. don't ask, and at this point he should not tell.

I read a column on a couple who attended a marriage retreat, the man confessed to an A he had 20 years ago ... just to get it off his chest, all this did was relieve him of the guilt but it devestated his unknowing wife, where is the benefit in this, 20 years ago had she know maybe she makes an honest assesment and figures out what she might have done .. but now .. nothing but pain.

I would guess, you are here, A or no A you want to save your M ... so why go looking for a rattlesnake in the barn? What good will it do other than bring pain.... use that energy and focus on how you can improve your R and M.

Just my $.02

I agree with this 100%.

We my wife and I started piecing I did not know about any affairs for sure. I suspected, but had no direct knowledge. About a month ago we had a disagreement about something and in the quarrel I inadvertently gained some knowledge that set me back mentally. Actually hit me a little harder than I thought it would.

Trust me when I say, if you are willing to reconcile regardless of his faithfulness, let it alone and do not ask. It serves you not. Today, tomorrow, or ever.

Thank you Jefe and CaliGuy for your advice. I see what you're saying. Right now though, I feel like I keep on wondering in my mind. I question every thing he does. If he's really back for good. What are his motives?

For now, though I will hold off on asking.