This may be the best thing that has ever happened for her.
Thus...it's not an assumption your wife is on a terrible and unhappy path. IMO, it is as close to a fact as one can get.
In fact, it's a big reason I try to push betrayed husband to fight for their wayward wives because SHE is drowning and destroying her life (as well as her family's). Instead of "if you love her let her go", I'm an advocate of "If you love her, TRY to save her". Your mileage may vary.
To live is to suffer sometimes and God uses suffering to bring us to our greatness. I believe God doesn't make us (anyone) suffer or commit sin, but His will allows it so He can shape us (versus "it" shaping us).
I agree with what Pyrite said, but for an alternate reason. BD for many of us was that wake up call to change our lives for the better. Many of us would have never made the changes without that wake up call. God using the suffering in a way that shapes us no other way may have been able to, into that person of greatness.
In the case of the WW, going down this path of destruction may be the only way they make the changes in life to become that better person. God using their eventual suffering(we all agree A's end in unhappiness) to shape them into the person they should be. No guarantee they will wake up and realize whats happening, but for some this may be the only way they change other aspects of their life.
This is why I think letting go and trying to save them may work. Some WW's will never do that mirror work and look at themselves while we are interfering in their path, even if that path is mostly destruction right now. Our pursuing and trying to "save" them may actually push them further into sin because we are trying to control them in some way(from their point of view).
On the other hand its also possible trying to fight for them and say the right comment at the right time to save them could work.
The issue then becomes when is the best time to step out some and try to save them. Is the risk of trying to save them, but at the wrong time, worth pushing them further into sin?
Each persons sitch is going to be different, letting go may work for one but may not at all for another. DB'ing is about doing what works but at times we just don't know what will in the long run.
Personally, I think leading by example, being that lighthouse, showing them you can fix yourself is the best way to save them in the long run. We cant fix them, its something they have to do themselves. But we can show them through our own actions what that may look like. What happens past that is up to them and God.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
