hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

I wish I did have these recorded - they come quite out of the blue, not scheduled talks. Not much I could do in the shower either - no pockets, ya know? My initial thoughts after something like this happens now are actually your words that you have written on my thread and your abuse thread. This has been very eye opening for me.

I think the fin advisor would be a good idea too, but I worry that I am spending too much money on my team of people now (IC, L). If I add another expense like this I feel like I am squandering money that I need to take care of the kids and myself. (maybe money well spent though).
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Made the best of yesterday - a pretty good day for a weekend all-in-all. W left for a good part of the day which left me with time with the kids (awesome) - had some fun firework shenanigans with s17, had some great music talk and discovery with D15 (that's kind of our thing) - we may try to go to a music festival that actually has a band that I like and another that she really likes.

When W left, she asked what do you want to talk about first, house or kids? I told her that we need to figure everything out, nothing is exclusive. She just wants answers from me - not my "word games" again. I said the kids are most important she said ok and left. Later, I saw that she had some calendar options written on a note pad.

S17 asked me why she was picking a fight with me before she left. I didn't have a good answer for him. (he was not home during Saturday's events, D15 was and I think heard everything. I know S17 and D15 talked about it via text.)

I made the greatest beef brisket - smoked/cooked for 7 hours on the grill. corn, baked potatoes. Everyone really enjoyed it. W's aunt stopped by and ate with us. Even W commented on it, said it was the best we've ever had (even from restaurants) and thanked me - nice as pie she was (she's all over the place). I just said your welcome and that I had fun making it and I'm glad everyone liked it. I think she was looking for more friendly interaction, but after the events of the weekend, I think cordial was what I could achieve.
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I do think W is formulating ideas of how this is all going to work and I am just going to agree with everything. I also think she is thinking about and may have been advised by someone what the laws are - she may be trying to push this along and convince me to agree to things to protect her retirement and salary (both of hers are higher than mine). Her salary is higher - I have a low teaching salary and the business (which for the last 3 years has not made as much as I would have liked - and last years fiasco really hit hard). Her retirement accounts are quickly becoming larger, and mine through the school is building slowly - being self employed for a very long time, I never invested in this as I thought we needed every penny to live (stupid decision).

I am again not interested in causing undue stress in these - My feeling is that her job and retirement is hers. But I think the L may see that differently. The salary difference may be a factor.

I think that I have to be careful not to agree to anything at this point.