I agree mostly with Sandi with one key difference.
IF you desire a shot a reconciling you may want to calmly (without a dramatic emotional demonstration at all) indicate that you are simply devastated by the events of the last few weeks.
Again, don't indicate this in a begging, pleading manner or with any expectation that she will react to it.
My reason for telling guys here all the time to use the word "devastated" is because MANY wayward wives pursue and continue their affairs under the rationalization and justification that their betrayed husbands just don't or won't care. They FEEL like they haven't been cherished and truly loved by you for a very long time and that you either don't care that she's leaving and/or you'll be better off without her (i.e. - a piece of you will be happy she's gone).
Sandi said "the ww is not concerned about the H's feelings". On one hand I agree. She's focused on her OM and her relationship with him. However, ww's also feign that they don't care, run away in the middle of night and don't talk to they betrayed spouses because seeing the results of their behavior on someone they do, to some extent, care about or, at least, have a connection with makes THEM feel guilty or ashamed.
That is another reason for saying you are "devastated". If you act like you don't care, she can convince herself she made the right choice and is taking the right path. You don't even care that's she's left. Everybody is happier...no need to feel ashamed at all. When you don't communicate honestly, you simple enable this behavior and reinforce this hurtful thought process.
I am intrigued that your wife moved in with a friend. It certainly sounds like she's been having an affair with someone for awhile and that someone is likely a man she can't move in with directly. That would lead me to believe she's in an adulterous relationship with a married man at work. There is the ever increasing possibility she's in a lesbian affair. Not as common but not unheard of. You see, when OM is a single guy, these affairs become public MUCH faster because the barrier to being together is "just" the husband (and wayward wives have no trouble walking all over the husband). When OM is married (or a woman) keeping the secret becomes much more vital to keeping the affair going.
You should find out who OM is and tell his wife and tell your inlaws (who sound very supportive of you and concerned their daughter might be having an affair). Michelle Wiener-Davis thinks exposure to family needs to be weighed carefully whether it would be a risk or benefit towards any recovery and if your wife's parents are religious persons opposed strongly to adultery, my estimation is the risk of telling them and them trying to save your wife with you outweigh any detriment they'd present towards your wife ever getting back together with you.
Finally, you don't have kids so this really isn't all that complicated if you discover she is cheating on you and you'd rather just divorce her. Reconciliation is very difficult. We are to be judged on our behaviors and your wife behavior is a pretty good indication that she's not the greatest at marriage and probably not a healthy person for you to continue to pursue a relationship with. Consider long and hard what YOU want out of this and whether "saving" her is really want you want to do. It was very much worth the effort for me, but I had children involved. I'm not minimizing your pain but you are quite young, only married a few years, you can start over and find a woman of better character instead of trying and hoping to fix the character of the one you're with. This forum can help you either way you decide to pursue.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
