Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Hope,

I'm sorry you find yourself here. You are in the best place for a terrible sitch. I want to be very clear that I am no expert, however, a couple of things about your scenario jump out to me.

Did I read correctly that your h has a history of cheating in his prior Rs and that he has a few failed Ms? I don't mean to sound harsh, however he sounds like a serial cheater. Granted, you can only control you and I certainly understand you want to save your M.

He's mad. Okay. He stopped wearing his ring because in his mind he isn't M anymore. Stop asking him questions and focus on you. Trust me, he knows you want to work on the R so please don't think for a minute that if you GAL and work on what you need to work on that he will think you are not wanting to salvage the R. As soon as you take the focus off of his every word and action, you will feel sooooo much better.

He's not ready to talk to you and I don't think sharing goals with him at this point would produce the results you want. It's time to start from scratch and realize the old R is dead. Put a fork in it. That doesn't mean you can't build a new one, although perhaps now is the time to truly evaluate what you want and need in a R.

Your sitch is very new so I realize this is all very overwhelming. There are no quick fixes and he will try to bait you. What would you like to change for you? Not for him. What changes do you feel you need to make to make you the best Hope possible? Maybe you R and maybe you don't. No one knows. However, if you want to maintain your sanity, get off the hamster wheel.

Oh, and from experience I can tell you to avoid unnecessary drama on SM (FB, Twitter, Snapchat). Don't. go. there. Analyzing who is friends with who and liking photos will lead you to question the trajectory of our culture as whole, so I wouldn't waste my time. However, again, your h isn't here and you are. It just sounds like projection when he is referencing OM when he is the one who is/was cheating.

Hopefully, others will pop by with sound advice. Hang in there..it gets much better:)