Hi. This is my first time posting anywhere on this website. I am unraveling and divorce busting was recommended to me by my brother.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, 15 of those married with two small boys. I recently discovered that he has been having an affair for approximately 4 months. We are currently separated. He seems to be ready to call it quits, but even after the infidelity I'm not ready to let go. I love him and the life we've created together, and I just don't think he sees it. We've had a few conversations regarding this affair, but none have given me any idea as to WHY this happened. He tells me that he's been unhappy for awhile, but can't/won't tell me why. He also can't tell me why he felt he needed to have an affair. I never thought he was "that" guy. I listen to him talk and I don't recognize him anymore. I've asked that we have another conversation on Saturday bc I would like to say of things that are on my mind. I want to talk about our roles in the marriage. He takes care of finances, while I have taken the role of traditional housewife even though I also have a career. I don't know what else to say without sounding weak. I love my husband, my life, and my children, and I'm not ready to let all of that go.
I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to start this conversation and keeping it going in a positive way. As I said we've had a few talks, but the amount of emotions coursing through me tend to pop out. So I'm either sobbing, raging, or acting like I don't care. Am I an idiot for even wanting to try? Please help. I feel like I've lost my way.
Does your husband know that repeated conjugations with a new sex partner releases bonding hormones? Oxytocin.
So it will feel like you are "in love", even if you formerly loved your family including your wife? That this feeling will overpower any rational decision making process?
That millions and millions of people before him have succumbed to affairs, and most men will truly admit that the carnage was not worth the sex.
That if he ever loved his wife and family he needs to completely cut off contact and come home. You will work with a counselor together to get past this?
He is suffereing from the grass is greener flaw. Everything is looking better than what he has at home, and it IS A MISTAKE.
