Because you depend on him for financial support & that makes you feel obliged? Because having your trustworthiness called into question is a really big deal for you?
I hate being wrongly judged. In my case, it grows out of my parents treating my younger brother and I very differently in certain ways, and also because they assumed that if my younger brother got into it with me it was always assumed to be my fault. Judging me wrong triggers me every time. Really, really hard to control reacting and responding to it.
See anything like that in your childhood about trustworthiness and your parents? If not, then I suspect it is just the feeling obliged because of the differential power on the finances.
[censored], but until you rectify that situation, you'll probably struggle to not respond. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's hard to stop. I also don't see that much harm in it.
If you want, we could rehearse some possible replies?
You just gave me an Aha moment. I am the middle child and was always referred to as the "Problem child". I fought with both my siblings and was always the one to get all of the blame. I felt like no one every believed that my intentions were good and it probably is why I am so defensive. I wish I just read this before I kept pushing because things took a very ugly turn. He has been accusing me of harassing him for a while. Every time I ask him questions he doesn't want to answer he accuses me of harassing him. A few months ago he got a limited temporary order of protection against me when I caught him on the phone with OW and tried to grab the phone from him which resulted in scratch marks. In our state when someone tries to get an OOP all they need to do is go and ask for one, the defendent does not have to be present. Ever since then he has been trying to bait me into violating it. It is very vague, and most of what it tells me I can't do are obvious but there is no definition of what harassment is. He says that when I ask him questions that he doesn't want to answer and don't leave the room when he tells me to that I am harassing him. I refuse to be intimidated and was told that I have a right to be in my home, in my living room, and talking about whatever I want to regardless of if he wants me there or not.
He ended up calling the cops today because I went back downstairs for a snack that resulted in me again trying to get some answers from him. Of course the cops didn't find cause, but my poor kids were in tears. It was scary for them. He ended up getting what he claims he wanted because the cops told me that he is going to continue to try and bait me and I need to just avoid him. So I get to continue walking on eggshells. YAY.
My poor kids. They don't deserve this.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
