Thanks ForeverYoung for all the advice. And thank you for the reminder that he deserves to be loved and that slow and steady is best.

Yesterday was a strange day, lots of good. As some with live-in MLCers say this is especially hard to watch because you get glimpses of what "could be." It is painful. As we were heading out to see fireworks, I just started to cry. We were in the car w/kids and I tried to hide it and recover. They were quiet tears not like it was completely obvious. But I know he noticed. As we were walking to the car he said "maybe you need an allergy pill." I didn't say anything.

At dinner there were only large beers. He asked if I wanted to split one. I said sure, very casually. Trying not to analyze and hoping he wasn't sharing out of pity for me. During the fireworks he spoke in future "next year we should try to see a different fireworks display." A few weeks ago I was thrilled when he spoke of future Christmas plans. I know not to read anything into this. Today all I thought, was what will be left of me in 1 year? I need some serious armor. As we left he said "another fireworks in the books."

Positives: today he took one of the kids on his errands with him so I could pick up the house. So normal it was strange.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced