Jeez Dif, you just made me get all teared up! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I'm going to use the given strength from everyone on this board this week.
I've been dreaming of my this weekend W, but not being able to remember the dreams when I wake up. That being said, last night I dreamed I had to give a speech in front of a group of people.
Right before the speech began I asked for a black sharpie marker, left the room and wrote "TRUTH" in big letters on the front of my shirt. I was surprised to find there was a story written there on my shirt already, so I had to work the TRUTH lettering around it.
The dream seemed fitting for what is coming up this week.
Yesterday was awful as I wrote, the 4th was always such a good time with my W. I couldn't get her out of my thoughts and even though I'm as detached as I can be, checked my phone a bunch of times to see if she has wished me a happy 4th. No such luck.
It's certainly hard to keep producing my own inspiration and faith with someone who has gone so dark on me as well. Reading Asitis's line about patience and DB'ing was helpful as is it to read some of the success stories and how much lack of contact exists between couples that do end up working things out. I feel like we are in parallel universes however, me here DB'ing and continuing my own process, her moving on.
Of course that's mind reading, but every time I speak with her she let's me know that she's getting more and more comfortable without me. I know, believe nothing. It's still hard though. I wanted desperately to send her a TM yesterday, but held it in. If she wanted to hear from me, she knows how to get a hold of me.
Yesterday I used the day to write, to listen to motivational videos on YT and to draft up an updated partnership agreement for my business. I've wanted to go out on my own for a long time but haven't had the courage to really step away from my business. I took BD as an opportunity for PigPen 2.0, and am putting those pieces into place right now.
It's a lot at once but I figure that since the house got knocked down I might as well rebuild it exactly how I want it to be for the next 20 years. It's hard to be homeless per say, but know that it won't be like this forever. Breathe in breathe out. Keep learning. Stay open. Be honest. Ask for help. Have faith. Keep writing.
I may need to come on here a few times today and dump my anxiety, it's pumping a bit this morning.
Peaceful Sunday DB'er.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
