Separated...and working on it

[Di-mond]

I've been sick with a major cold for the last week and a half. Coughing, trouble breathing, swollen glands, infected eyes. Made it to a doctor Thursday and got codeine cough syrup and an asthma puffer for my lungs. Today I finally made it out and did a bit of grocery shopping.

My trip to Europe was stressful. I was there to take care of my 18 month old niece. My brother works all over the place and only flies home on weekends. My SIL is finally getting treatment for alcoholism and a slew of other problems. She is in a 15 week program. I took the first three weeks, but couldn't stay longer since I have monthly doctors appointments to deal with my health issues. My mother flew in the day before I left and will be looking after my niece until my SIL gets out of treatment. The biggest problem there is that my brother and SIL live in the same house as her parents. They are overbearing, righteous, greedy people that always have to stick their nose into everything. I grit my teeth for two weeks and kept calm, but the third week there my niece came down with a wicked cold(that she passed on to me) and my SIL's father was trash talking about me to my SIL and brother. I lost it on him. Told him that I am not his daughter and how dare he question my parenting ability. I have already raised kids, mostly as a single parent. Anyways, the trip was stressful. I was happy to spend time with my niece and of course ate all my favorite German foods. I was glad to come home.

Of course, once I got home I was so sick that I didn't make it out of bed for days. I was even too sick to scold my (adult) kids for leaving the house a complete and utter mess. Tuesday I finally had it out with my son. He brought his girlfriend and her kid over on a daily basis. They played house. Cooked here, watched TV here, often spent the night here (sleeping in my bed), but did not clean up after themselves at all. Dirty dishes all over the kitchen, dirty clothes on the floor in the basement, wrappers and garbage everywhere. I kicked them all out and read the riot act to my daughter about cleaning up after herself as well. Grumble!!!! Looks like my son will be of absolutely no help in getting this house ready to all.

Now to my husband. We were in daily contact while I was away. He was quite emotional at first, worried that I might not come back. Since I've been back things have been strained. He knows I have my doubts and that I feel a lot of resentment towards him for having to do the majority of the changes, especially getting the house cleaned out and ready to sell. Since I've been so sick I've also not spent a whole lot of time with him. To his credit, he has agreed to spend 2 to 3 days a week (depending on his teaching schedule) at the house with me to do some of the work. We will see if that will actually happen. He also came by a few times last week, offering to bring me cold medication and chicken noodle soup. On Thursday when I went to see the doctor about my cold, he rescheduled his students for the afternoon so he could go with me and make sure I was ok. I think he really is trying to make an effort. He has downloaded a copy of the 5 Love Languages. I told him that he needed to learn how to speak my love language and keep my love tank full and that I would try to do the same for him. He has gone away for the weekend to spend time with his best friend and to do some networking for his business in the city that he is moving to in September. One thing that always bothered me, is that when he would go down here for the weekend I would hardly ever hear from him. My IC and I talked about this in May and she suggested I tell him how I feel about it. It would be one way he could regain my trust. He fell off he wagon pretty much right away. When he called me Saturday morning I again told him that yes he is not a phone person and he doesn't text very often, but that this was not about him, it was about me and that I needed this to show me that he cares how I feel. He promised to try harder and for the rest of the day he text me a few times and called me in the evening to say goodnight. Small success!!! It made me happy.

Now my mini novel is done. Will journal again...sooner this time.

Thanks for checking in on me mahhhty!