hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Had a full couple of days so far this weekend.

I’m writing this to document and vent. I don’t have a good memory for these details, but I think this is all important for my future – so I’ll share too. (sorry if it's too long and poorly written, just putting it out there quickly)

Thursday – received a notice in the mail addressed to me from a collection agency about our mortgage. It seems that it hasn’t been paid in several months and they are sending notice of forclosure unless it is paid to date. I leave this notice sitting out because it is definitely something that I need to talk with WW about. She grabs it and leaves. Later texts me I need a cert check to mortgage co. for $$$$$. I text her back – so we owe $$$$x2. She texts yup. Later I text that I will mail the checks tomorrow (I need the check from her first so I know she’s paying her half. She likely does not have the money and is only sending my check in. I cannot do this and need to make sure things are handled, and not just by me. I will handle this Monday due to the holiday. I am nervous about this, but I have the money right now. fins are getting really sketchy.

Friday – I didn’t realize WW would be home because of the holiday. MIL called me (she has never called my cell phone directly) she left a message and says that she has some important looking mail for S21. I text her back – thanks I will come get it and make sure he gets it – a little strange, but ok.

While I was showering MIL comes over and looks for me in the house, puts the mail on my desk and leaves. W is completely pissed by this and thinks that I have poisoned her image with her parents and everyone else. WW comes into the bathroom, whips open the shower door and starts berating me, saying that I need to get the F out of the house right now. Slams the door and leaves. I was stunned by this and didn’t respond before she left (just trying to shower) She comes back a minute later and the same thing – whips open the shower door and screaming about how I am spreading rumors and getting everyone to hate her – I put my hand up and tell her to leave so I can finish my shower, she can calm down and we can talk. Slams the door – comes back again and this time she says If I had a gun, I would kill you right now – I say really – a death threat – please. Just leave, I am going to finish my shower and maybe we can discuss this if you calm down. She leaves – slam. I slowly finish my shower and make my way to talk to her. She is still ramped up, so I say I am not going to talk until she calms down. I walk away and she grabs my shoulder to turn me around. I remain calm and tell her not to touch me and I leave the room and wait in the kitchen.

20 minutes later she comes in and starts talking about all of my faults in the last 21 years and all of the things that I have done wrong - including things after BD. She blames me for this all and thinks that I am just playing the victim, telling everyone about us, trying to get everyone on my side (none of this is true, but may be her perception) . She doesn’t believe we are married just because the piece of paper says we are. AND if I divorce her I will lose everything – house, kids, money (that’s what happens to men – look it up). I told her that I know this is not true. She asked if that’s what my L says.

We talk a little – I acknowledge that I have not been perfect, but cannot change the past. And my actions are based on what’s happened in the last 18 months. This is a result of her choices. She just stared at me with a smug look.

I probably shouldn't have engaged her at all - but I didn't want her to push me around.

Saturday – I get up, have some coffee, check DB, walk the dog, go for a long bike ride and when I get back, I see that she was blowing up my phone with 16 text messages. Her demands.

Summary - She says I can stay in the house – she doesn’t want it. We will arrange the kids schedule; staying in the house is equal to the place that I have looked at; split kids expenses; she will keep them on her insurance; their vision on mine; you have your small retirement and I have mine and other than the house we don’t really have anything.
I didn’t respond to this as I don’t want to agree to anything – or make it seem like I am. I don’t know what I can say and cannot right now. I am in agreement with some of this, but don’t understand it all.

Things calm down a little and I start making dinner. WW leaves to go get ice cream for later. I decide that I was going to go get some beer for dinner. On the way, I see WWs car and she’s talking to a guy on a motorcycle – at the time, I think it is a friend of ours that she ran into. I got home before she did. When she comes home, she is mad again. She says that I have no idea what she’s been through. (I don’t know what she’s talking about). She goes on – he came by the house to see if I was ok. (starting to figure this out). I was just talking to him – I haven’t talked to him in two weeks.

I got it – it was OM in the parking lot. She must have thought I knew who she was talking to and incriminated herself - that's kind of funny. He has been riding by the house – keeping tabs on her. I kind of flip out at this and lose my sense of what boundaries are and controlling demands. I say that she needs to keep this predator away from my house and family. She defended him – he’s not a predator – he was just worried about me. I told her that he should be worried about himself – and brought up his poor unknowing wife and kids. (I wish I had done better – but didn’t). She should know. WW didn’t want me talking about his family.

I actually laughed at her and walked away – no point fighting this anymore. I'm mad, but some times I actually feel bad for her - she's so twisted - unraveling.

There are many more details to these events, but I will not bore you.

Not good DB today – tomorrow will be better. Another bang up weekend.

Thanks for allowing me to vent - Cheers!