seperated 4 months

[help67]

Me again, posting a lot, feels like bd again. One thing I realized about my drinking, it was because the work hurt and I had no coping skills, or was ever shown how to live growing up. I was a very caring, sensitive person which is why my w fell in love with me. She is the same way, but she has always been. I got lost and just numbed myself instead of living like a man, and it made me mean because deep down it wasnt me. Here I am 9 months sober and finding that caring, sensitive person again, but as pigpen said I cant be that person to my w now. I guess thats why it feels good being her friend but it wont help us come together again. Another gal thing I will start to do is meditate. We have never been religious, but we believe in the universe I guess, something is there. My w has been good at trusting that, I am learning it again. This trust, this faith will help me get through, there is a plan for me, for her, and I believe for us together. But this week I must detach for real and say goodbye for now, I just dont know the right way to say it considering my total sitch, the addiction, the long history, my w dating, and us having a lot of contact because of my d.