I realize it takes two, and my w has some blame for m failing.

I both agree and disagree. I will say that you are responsible for you and your W is responsible for herself. My H is a compulsive gambler (amount other compulsions) and a drinker and our M broke down, I walked away in the end. am I responsible for that? Yes of course that decision was mine alone and I hold myself accountable for it. .

I was the one who drank too much, was controlling and closed emotionally.

It is a big step to say this and shows to others that you understand your issues which is important.

She wanted me to get help, she wanted to get counseling, but I was blind. I never communicated well.

Addiction is tough stuff, and communication in these circumstances takes more than IC

My w now feels eyeaccepted and validated and connected and I realize she doesn't want these things from me as a h now.

Your W has had to go into survival mode.

But back to my feelings, now that I have found them, can I articulate in the statement in anyway that ive learned a lot, and one of those things is that I wanted a deeper intimate, emotional connection with her, we did have it at one point.

------------------------------------------

There is a great deal to recovery for the addict and compulsive. Please know that there is as much recovery required for the spouses and loved ones of the addict.

At some of the Gamanon meetings I go to, I hear the enormous damage done to the lives of the partners. The compulsive says 'I have changed, believe in me now' and '' I have drawn myself a line' so trust me and ignore the addiction.

It isn't that easy.

The damage done an be allmost irreparable, and recovery for partners and loved ones is slow, very very slow and in their time not that of the addict or compulsive.

The one thing that you have the power to influence is your own recovery, a big enough task. Listen to PP, there is a man who has walked the talk, someone I respect greatly.

There is a very long journey ahead, take your time.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 07/04/15 11:24 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW