It seems like we have some kind of twin life RD. Your W and my H can't stop crying and can't seek help either. They say their life is a mess but seems like they enjoy the self pity for now.
I see this behavior as they are still thinking of themselves and how their lives became a hell because of us. Maybe just time will show them that happiness is not gained by what others will do or not do for us, but it is something we need to find inside ourselves.
I am as always, trying to understand why your words get to me, to a soul point. You said that you are much of a black and white guy... so, maybe that's what calls my attention. I am a sort of black and white girl myself.
Sometimes I wish I could face life in a rainbow way or at least just grey, but I end up always taking a direction that it is or it is now. Never really want to think or go in circles. I guess we have a bunch to learn yet.
I feel that your W will need to face her own demons, but these will be in her own timeline and we do not know when that will be. Depression is a serious illness and all your body chemistry goes nuts and one thing leads to another.
For the kids sake I wish she finds herself and her purpose in life. I still believe that she has been influenced to think on the negative side. Bipolar disorder is a very negative, depressed and painful world. She is involved in these kind of things and it may be helping to stay at the bottom.
But unfortunately for everyone involved, she is the only one that can get herself out of the hole, and that is in her own time too.
I am a bit concerned of what the impact of all her behavior will have in your kids in a long run. I have heard my kids and I don't really like their opinion about their father. I know life will never be the same for them anymore.
They have seem their father crying so many times. S15 was talking about genetics other day and said that he fears to get in a relationship and end up a mess like his dad. I know that IC or LC can make miracles in people's mind, but there are things that will haunt them forever.
Regarding RD having a blast with young lady invite, well, what can I say... if one day it sounds right, go for it. Just be careful there will be no more little RD's in the way, it could really complicate the situation.
I don't remember who you said you look like, I remember you said your voice is a mix of Jason Statham and John Dikes. Maybe you can fresh up my mind of when we had that chat with Toots and Vanilla. I said I look like a kind of Salma Hayek, with accent too, since I will never loose the Portuguese.
And that bike, there goes RD, back to the roots of your soul freedom, feeling life going by as you ride the bike through the wind. Feeling the sadness washed away as the miles go by.
Feeling that life and death are with hands tight and it is a thin line decided by that moment alone. Defeating the fear and feelings of uncertainty that are making a hole in your heart. Laughing at the pure pleasure of feeling yourself.
Oh God! I remember crying while riding a bike one day at night. It was cold, my tear were worm and were rolling out my eyes with no intention to cease. As it was rolling, it was also going away, forced by the speed of my bike, it was like living all my pain on the road. As I road, my tears were left behind, gone with the wind, done for good.
The whole food subject is where we are so different. I am not very attached to food. Sometimes a salad, fruit, a can of sardines, olives, whatever is easy and I do not need to work much to prepare is the best meal. I am forced to cook because I have three dinosaurs at home that are always hungry.
And please, do not stop writing to me, I regret I said that sometimes I need to be careful because I get mixed up about you. I guess it is a time of pain and we get very attached to people that treat us well, with respect and makes us feel good about ourselves.
I won't stop being passionate about you in these boards, I understand we are in a virtual world and this may be just a way of keeping ourselves sane and hopeful for tomorrow. But I do not think we can hurt more then what we are enduring with our own spouses.
RD, hope you are doing well and your kiddos are enjoying life the way it is supposed to be at this time in their lives. By the way, what about that vacation in Spain? Did that happen already and I missed the posts or when it will happen?
And, don't forget to tell us how S20 is doing with his motorcycle, is he like his crazy dad?
And the girls? Any boyfriend in the horizon? I know they are young, but these days things are moving in optic speed around here.
My boys are still very closed. I think we all went through a lot with death, sickness, father leaving, D stuff. I feel it will be OK someday, but I need to be patient with them and reassure them I won't abandoned them too. What is tough work, but I will always try my best.
This is 4th of July weekend here and I am not going anywhere. I decided to stay home and get some rest. Have been very tired and schedule an appointment with my doctor to check on my vitamin D level, for some reason S15 and I have this disposition of spending it all and reach some zero levels sometimes. Go figure!
Well, will start on some bacon and sausage, eggs and pancakes for brunch and then have meatballs, Italian sausage, pasta, great cheese, garlic bread and my homemade tomato sauce for dinner. Oh well, don't blame me for the taste, I have more Italian blood on me then any other.
Last night I closed my eyes before falling sleep and went to that mountain you told me. I checked that online and it is a gorgeous place. Hope some day, we can meet over there in our cyber world.
Take care RD, life is hard and it is the one thing that makes it worth to fight for.
