Seeking clarity on next step - The Divorce Remedy

[hopeOK]

Wow- we have similar situations. I am 36 & my H is 57. He had an affair that ended earlier this year & we began to work through all that when another bomb hit us (this time my fault). But he has also had another marriage (a few actually) & he has a history of cheating. I thought we were different. I believe he was faithful for the 13 years of our relationship. He is also a great Dad & he and I were committed to not divorce because of the kids. He had a daughter from a previous relationship that was really traumatized by the divorce of my H & her mom.

So I really thought we were on the road to recovery from the affair. (Our relationship was similar with yours in that I had withdrawn from the relationship due to built up resentment & he had pursued me for many years. He ended up feeling like I was done with him & not really interested in him anymore which led him to be really lonely & he sought solace in the children. Then this OW happened to catch his attention at a new job & the rest is history).

Now I have really hurt him & while he told me a few days ago that he is not so angry anymore, he hasn't said anything about whether he wants to work on our marriage or if he intends to just live amicably but not romantically. I am trying not to be the pursuer and letting him address this with me but the waiting is hard. Also, I am concerned that he has taken back up with the OW. I want to ask but I am waiting to see if he brings up the topic of our relationship first. (Again, trying to not be the pursuer.)

But I am really just amazed at the similarities in our situations. My H intends to retire down the line and become the stay at home parent (I am currently) but I guess I kind of thought that he would be less likely to enter into an affair if our positions were reversed & he was much older... but I guess not!