Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[hopeOK]

So hard. But take however long you think this may take and multiply it by 4. That's probably the low end. Stay strong and PATIENCE.

Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement.



I guess I kind of thought that once he was no longer so mad at me, that everything else would just kind of fall into place... but so far it hasn't. I am very thankful that we are not in such a bad place anymore where I am waiting for him to do something/ say something out of anger. It is far less stressful now than it had been. And I am much less afraid of divorce at this point.

However, we are living day to day on a friendly basis... nothing more. In my mind, I thought he would not be so angry & then soon after that he would maybe approach me for intimacy & I would then say something like, "well, are we still separated or are we working on our marriage?" (He had messaged a friend right after he became so angry with me a message that said- "we are basically separated but living together") But so far nothing of this sort.

So this leads me to question- is the w/ the OW? Is that why he is content to just keep our life going on a friendly basis b/c he is getting his romantic needs met through her? This is my biggest fear. If not for this, I think he would eventually come around & I would find it easier to be patient.

So my big question... when setting the small goals, in the book it says to talk with your partner about them, if you are in a place to. Well I definitely was not in a place to talk to him about them b/c he was hating me and so angry. So I proceeded to work on DB w/o him knowing the plans. Now that he is no longer so angry at me, do I share my goals at some point or do I continue on w/ him not knowing what I want to have happen? I do not want to pursue and push him away... but also want to talk to him about where we stand & what he wants. Ugh. So difficult to figure out the right thing to do.