Matt777 yes it was a lot of information! I like to give as much information as i can so I can get as much feedback as I can. I am so scared of messing this up and losing my family for good. I have NO relationship with ANY of my family so this is all I have. MIL and I are close. Lived with them at 17 when my mom abandoned me! fighting we got into a huge fight on tuesday night and he told me to leave he does not care about me, our friendship anything. he is starting to hate me. He said he will no longer hug me spend time with me or cuddle. He even said he wanted to take a loan out so i could get the hell out of his life. I am not sure if I should believe him. he also told me everyday I am here just makes him hate me even more. I struggle with believing him as he was angry. dont believe anything he says and only 50% of what he does. Just because he says something doesn't mean that it's true or it will happen.
He did give me a half one arm hug throughout the end of this week. I text him around 12 today saying hi and asked if he wasnt talking to me! BIG MISTAKE. he blew up told me he didnt need to text me in the mornings or talk to him period. when i asked what was wrong he said nothing. I called when i got off so I knew how much money he needed out of bank for gas and of course he was pleasant. I feel like he is on a rollercoaster not me! and I do not understand how we can go from hanging out all the time cuddling hugging talking ect to this! you HAVE to stop pursuing him. You don't need to text him to say hi! You want HIM pursuing YOU. Imagine that you're back in high school and a boy you don't like keeps sending you love notes and things. You probably bristle or make fun of him with your friends, right? So leave him alone! That doesn't mean he will ALWAYS see you that way, but he does right now.
Im so confused by his actions. please help me understand! I had been doing very well at just walking away I slipped up twice in a row in less than 10 days. I know i need to get back on track and that is my goal to just walk away and ask to discuss at different time. there is nothing you can gain from fighting with him. Walk away as much as you need to so that you can discuss things rationally when you are both calm.
There would be no support as my child is not his and we have never been married. as for finances. we have seperate accounts but we ran his cc's up so 10,000 debt i dont want to just leave him with as we both spent. paychecks i budget bills and know what we need to pay. all of our money is our money we do not split anything. i got paid yesterday have no checks so deposited into his account and paid bills. we have never split bills because i am a control freak and it is always a fight when we try to discuss it so for me it easier to just share money. By split bills, I don't mean split who does them, I mean split who contributes the money to them. If you make similar money, you should get to spend similar money. Why does he get to do all the fun stuff and you have to feel guilty about a $7 CD?
plus i do all the grocery shopping and all of that he doesnt like to. he does a good share of housework and i take care of kids unless i am at work. I do not worry about HIS relationship with the kids i worry about him telling people I am unwilling to watch them when i am at home just sitting. plus everytime i have refused or said i dont want to watch them for one night he treatens to not let me watch them period. he will just take them to sitter and then well i get to help pay for that too! i think you should work to arrange a schedule. You watch these nights and he can watch the other nights. Then you don't have to play all these games and feel guilty about who is doing what.
AS for GAL i am excited to tell you I am taking my daughter to see fireworks tonight. I told him I would drop his oldest off at her moms (I am going to the town she lives in and we are really close). probably just watch them with her! I simply told him plans changed i would drop her off when i leave. he asked if i was taking my daughter i said yes did not figure you would watch her as you already have plans with OW. I did not tell him when i was leaving where i was going or what i was doing. He just knows I am dropping daughter off! Saturday I will take the girls to races and fireworks and he will be across the track with OW missing out on kids. mostly good! My advice is to stop referring to OW. She isn't worth your time or your breath. Use as few words as you can!
Pursuing..so hard to stop. i understand why i shouldnt and see how its helpful just soooo hard! What do I do if he asks me to sit with him or he sits down with me and throws his legs over mine? so my goal for this week 7 days is to not text him unless he texts me, not ask him to spend time with me and stay on my side of the bed! sorry so long again. you will want to run soon im sure! its ok to do things with him. Just don't initiate unless it's for finances or about the kids. But again, only accept his invitations maybe 1 in 3-5 times. Remember that you don't want to be his plan B! Just because isn't around OW doesn't mean he should get all of your attention and affection!
I see progress in your thoughts. Stay strong. Keep fighting for you and your kids.
