FIDO - Changing The Rules - Pt 2

[NH115]

Thanks CaliGuy, I've been on the road a lot this week, but I'll try and dig into your thread further.

Maybe I'm too close to the situation, but she's such a moving target. I agree that the drinks thing (if it happens) is unacceptable. I've drawn that line many times; she's the kind of person that will dig in her heels and do the opposite if she feels controlled.

On our second trip to San Antonio this weekend, we were miraculously child-free so we had some time to talk. The R talk itself was mostly productive and calm. She's decided that she's "broken" because she can't feel about me like she should; so she's focusing solely on herself and getting healthy, essentially "back-burnering" both me and OM.

On one hand I applaud her decision; our relationship can't be healthy unless we're both healthy. She's carrying around a lot of anger and mixed-up emotions, and she needs to sort them out. The good news is that our MC suggested that she start some IC. That's a fantastic idea IMHO, and my W is enthusiastic.

On the other hand, I don't know what back-burnering me really means. I'm willing to give her time to get things sorted out, but shouldn't we also be working on our relationship as well? I can see a period of us both focusing on our own healing as just another way to build walls between us. Of course, after last weekend it seems like the walls are still plenty high.