Divorce Busting My Wayward Wife

[HurtJef]

Newcomer Jeff Here. Looking for support.

Where to start..
My wife and I have been together since she was 19, I was a 26 year old and met her just months after she had a baby girl (who's father took off and moved to another state). We became best friends and soon fell in love.

I pledged to take care of her and her young baby and we moved in together within a year of starting to date.

We had some rocky times during our time before marriage but always seemed to work through them, At one point my then girlfriend developed a drinking and gambling problem for a couple of years or so, and her family had an intervention without my knowledge(Information that I had just been told recently by my MIL.)

During this time we separated for a couple of months until I saw her starting to get better (We continued dating each other during this time and I still was supporting her and her D while I stayed with my Mom.)

Also during this time, I began to have an EA with an ex which my then girlfriend discovered, I quickly ended all contact and gave full transparency.

After both of our issues settled down, I moved back in. After a couple of years we gave birth to a baby girl and a year later she became pregnant with my son. I decided after 9 years of being together and surviving through our problems earlier in the relationship, It was time to ask for her hand, She had wanted to get married for a long time, as a matter of fact, she wouldn't allow my D to have my last name b/c we weren't married.
It took awhile for our trust issues for each other to subside and now they had, so It was time.

My son was born and we were married on 5/1/2010. I was happy to be married to my best friend and confidant. We had succeeded in weathering the storms and now it was us against the world forever.

NOT SO FAST! the first two years were great but then my son developed a growth on his neck which we had biopsied(negative) and removed, my wife had a tumor on her ovary discovered while she became pregnant with my youngest daughter which was removed during the C-section(also negative) and the bills began to pile up.

Also during this time my wife had taken out credit cards w/o my knowledge and also bought a van. The credit cards got maxed out and the van repossessed twice, We were drowning.
My wife works as a waitress/bartender.
During this time my wife took on a second job to help get us out of our troubles, part time, at a local sports bar. I was against this as I already work alot of hours during the week and just thought this would cause more issues in our relationship with her not being home. Well we worked it out so that she was home during the day and me at night. She had thursdays and sundays off so we had some time as a family every week together.

After awhile, she started going out much more, being short on her income responsibilities,(Tips are very easy to hide, even from your husband.) And hanging out with a new group of friends.

We still got out together as much as we could and still were getting along great, when we saw each other.

But then she had an opportunity to get a job Managing another sports bar, I was leery of this because her hours would go up immensely and she would be home less during the week. I was against it but she took the job anyways and I gave her my support. She did a great job turning the bar business around and I was very proud of her, but she opened up her own checking, and was still never forthcoming with her money, not to mention home much less and I started to become resentful, resentful of the time she was spending away from our family, resentful of the time spent with friends when she could have been home. Then this past December, she called me from home in hysterics that she needed to talk to me, I was in a very important business meeting and she wanted me to leave work and come home, to talk. I couldn't.

I told her that I would come to her work to talk if she needed or I'd take a day off to discuss whatever problems she was dealing with, but after that day, she started fading away.
She would start coming home way after close, she would stumble into bed smelling of booze.

She stopped wearing her wedding ring, We began to fight over money as she told me that she needed to be able to have more disposable income for herself. When she was home, she was miserable to the kids and me and slept all of the time.
I begged her to go to MC with me but she said that she didnt want to.

Finally, one night in February, I came home from work and my wife told me she had to run into work for awhile, she left and was acting strange, she didnt come home until 3:30 and her bar closes at 2.
I called my sister in law the next day b/c we had become close over the years to talk about the situation and found out that her and her husband were at my wife's bar and my wife wasnt there. I called my wife and asked her to tell me the truth.

She said she had been having an emotional affair with someone, and wouldn't tell me who. I asked her to not come home and stay with her parents for awhile while I sorted things out.
She did and I cut off contact for two days until, on the third day, she came home in the middle of her shift in tears, she told me that she had been unhappy for a long time and she tried to tell me but I wasn't hearing her. She told me that she wanted to work things out and come back home. She also told me she had broken things off with the OM.

I told her that I wanted full access to all her messaging and email accounts as well as her phone, also got her to agree to MC.

She came home. During this time, she was exhibiting as bad if not worse behavior, not being forthcoming with her phone or passwords, never taking any accountability and blaming me for everything during our counseling sessions. She even no showed one day session.(which I took half day off to attend) b/c she dropped my D3 off at my MIL and went and got drunk with her friend.
Our MC decided that my W wasn't participating in the sessions and recommended my W seek IC for her "emotional" issues. During this time my W was attending IC but missing sessions occasionally and we were fighting about her behavior often. I knew what was going on, I just had to prove it. That opportunity came in May.

I was in a meeting at work around 3:30pm when she started blowing up my phone. I stepped out of the meeting and called her back, she said she had therapy at 6pm and wanted to know where my SD14's cellphone was.(I had taken her phone and hid it as a punishment for something the day before).I asked her why, and she said b/c she wanted to go tanning before therapy and wanted SD to have phone in case I wasn't home by the time she left. (I get off around 5 so i get home by 5:30 normally)I told her that I hid it in the basement and I would leave a little early so she could go do what she had to do. She said ok but then called me back 15 minutes later explaining that she wanted to leave sooner cuz she wanted to get gas and coffee and she couldn't find the phone.

I told her where it was exactly and I made up an excuse to leave work, When I pulled down my street, I saw her pull out and head the other way, I knew she didn't see me so I kept a safe distance and followed her all the way to the next town over, watched her park in the street and walk up to a house and go in.

I found an inconspicuous spot to park where I could see the door but wouldn't be noticed. I sat there for the longest 40 minutes of my life as I waited.
I watched her come out, holding OM's hand as he walked her to her car, watched them laugh and kiss passionately and watched her drive away. I recognized the guy from pictures on facebook, and he actually talked to me one night while my w and I were out with friends for her birthday(In January), so I knew who he was (A regular at her bar). It took everything in my power not to attack this jerk but I had other things to worry about so I inconspicuously drove away.
I called my w and told her I was home and asked her if she got her tanning done.
She said yeah and then I told her I had followed her and she tried to lie and say that she borrowed a CD from him and was just returning it, I told her to tell me the truth and she admitted that she had been carrying on this affair since December and had been sleeping with him all along.

I WAS DEVASTATED!!!
She told me that she would be leaving the next day and didn't know what else to say.
I asked her to end the affair and she told me flat out NO.

The next day she took all her clothes and necessities and was gone by the time I got home from work. May 7th 2015.
And so my seperation saga began.
I will talk about that saga in my next post.