busting, What you are feeling is very normal. We fight hard for our marriages and then we detach. When the crisis has settled down and the spouses begin to talk of reconciliation, by that time, we are much further along than they are and quite comfortable w/how our worlds are revolving. This is where the MLCer will either work hard on themselves and try to play catch up or they will drift along. Your h is going to have to earn your trust once again. It's hard work. He's going to have to be transparent and be more than willing to share and/or show you his messages, etc. If he's just returning because he has no place to go or thinks it's the best he can do, then the relationship will not work. He's got to put forth the effort to make things right w/you and your family. He's got to face his demons and accept that there are some things that happened long ago that he can't change.
Treat him as you would a friend or a roommate, nothing more for a while. Nothing says that just because he has returned and is living under your roof that you need to stop growing, learning and living your life. These are the things that you will need to continue and remember...the old marriage is dead and this is a brand new relationship. You, and only you, will be the one to make the final decision as to whether this reconciliation is something that you want. I say...give it a whirl and if it's not working out, then you'll know what you need to do about the situation.
For now, try to keep the focus on you and your children and allow your "roommate" time to readjust to living under the same roof again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
