letting go off the anger was me seeing the wrongs I did in our marriage. I than made a list with some notes. I sat W down a few months ago and told her how very sorry I was for my wrongs and asked her to forgive me. Than I started working on myself and praying for God to help me. I also prayed for WW. I began to try to forgive her
Joe46, I admire your ability to go to that very uncomfortable, vulnerable place inside yourself. That place where you really take stock of your contribution to the breakdown of the M. I have been there, and I forgave my W, but it was obviously conditional, because when I caught her with OM again, I clearly could not let go of my anger. I am just not there yet. I think that living under the same roof is just too much for me. I will just continue to work on myself. Again, kudos to you.
Originally Posted By: PigPen
Keep taking deep breaths, keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that feeling the pain that you do means that you love deeply and are a good man.
PigPen, I will take your advice. Although I likened my situation to one of PTSD, I appreciated your comparison to addiction. I think I am a little hard on myself when I feel that I have not emotionally rebounded from the A. I think I need to give myself MORE TIME. In that spirit, this past week I had TWO (!) consecutive days where I focused on my work above all else. It felt good to get back into the swing of things. My performance review with my boss went well and, as usual, it seems like my catastrophic predictions were greatly exaggerated. Speaking of the book "Resilience", have you seen the movie Unbroken? I would like to see it at some point.
Originally Posted By: u-turn
RAI - It hurts to just read this - I am sorry. So hard with young kids that just don't understand what and why and how (not that we understand any more than they do). This hurdle is crossed, it wobbled but didn't tip over, you landed on your feet and now time to run to the next one. (what's this, a marathon with hurdles? - yikes)
u-turn, I did survive telling my children, didn't I? I was heart broken by the story about your client. Yet, you took the experiences and it became your turning point. A positive turning point. You rebounded and are better for it. Perhaps, one day you can thank that client for setting you back in the right direction.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Yay...you must be relieved that your mother is finally out of the hospital.
Wonka, I am very relieved. So much could have gone worse. I am so thankful. I just heard about a 40y old with 4 children who died this week. So tragic. We have to be thankful for every moment we are alive. Similarly, we have to appreciate those around us.
Originally Posted By: Mozza
I'm curious: what are you going to do about work? I've suffered from the same lack of focus and motivation and the impact was a hit on my income because I freelance and just couldn't be bothered to work. But there was no self-assessment nor boss to disappoint, only some clients who found me elusive for a while ("He must be busy because he's very good!"). The Announcement sounds like a terrible moment for you. I, too, cried when I announced it, along with then-D6. And WW was also emotionless, paying her dues and politely waiting for the duty to be over. It's not mind-reading, she told me so herself. There's nothing to understand from their attitude: their mind is elsewhere. It will take months or years before they reflect on it. They might never feel as much guilt as we feel pain. It's just a hazard of the human experience, I'm afraid.
Mozza, it seems like there is not too much for me to do about my work right now. My boss knows I am going through a D. He knows that promotion is the last thing on my mind right now. I am going to keep my nose to the grindstone and continue to do the best work that I can. As far as my WW, she is a hollow shell. I am not sure if she was always that way and just putting on an act or if something snapped in her. I would really like to know - not that it would matter at this point.
Thanks everyone for your support as I go through this. I appreciate your insight, but more importantly, the fact that I am never alone in my struggle. Being a LBS is like having a disease, but a shameful disease. You cannot share details with your friends, so you suffer alone. It must have been ten times worse before the internet and DB.
