For me, this situation has been a blessing. Cadet and GB has a disagreement about whether or not this A, D can be interpreted as a gift. Well for me it has. At times I certainly would not view it in this light, but as time goes on I do so more and more often. It has reunited me with my spirituality. I don’t particularly mean so in a religious sense. I am not religious for a start. But I am now becoming, and once was very spiritual.
I don’t want to give the wrong impression. I am certainly not a clean cut, teetoling, pillar of virtue. My last post started with “The past is an open book”. This “gift”, this opportunity, has opened this book for me, and urged me to read the paragraphs that I cant help but feel have been repressed by my psyche until now.
I have some screwed up core beliefs. I might come back to these, or post again. But I also have some really good core beliefs, my spirituality. Among these is forgiveness, compassion, kindness, respect and consideration. I am so happy to have found these again. I am indebted to my STBX for this. I am still open to sharing this with her if she is willing. I used to think this meant R, but now I am starting to not even care about that. I am not writing it off, or saying I don’t want that (the b**ch left me etc). It has to do with my unhealthy core beliefs. Ultimately, the M, our R, was almost doomed from the start. Not necessarily, and not that I was the only one with a personality in the R.
I’ll explain in a later post. Have to think on it. Been a rough week. 2 sick kids. Backsliding. Work. Blerrrgghh. 1AM here.
Also – thanks PP and Huddy. Too tired to reply – sorry. Goodnight all.
What you are describing is God's gift of grace. Hope. Truth. Light. God's healing of your hurting heart and soul. God's steering you back upon your True path where once you were.
The "gift" of sin is death. Darkness. Your wife's sin was done to herself. Not at you and not for you. She wasn't "giving" you this and, if she were, Satan would prefer she take you down with her down the wayward path of hatred, isolation, loneliness, resentment, anger and loss of hope.
I add the following quote not as a means to preach but convey my point of view. I know we are different religions but I believe the bible is also a part of Muslim teaching along with other books so I hope referencing a bible verse is not offensive.
15 But there is a great difference between Adam's sin and God's gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man, Jesus Christ. 16 And the result of God's gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man's sin. For Adam's sin led to condemnation, but God's free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins. - (New Living Translation Roman 5:15-16).
I did a little research and maybe the best Muslim reference I could come up with for would be:
"The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and make reconciliation his reward is due from Allah: For (Allah) loves not those who do wrong." (Koran 42:40)
The "gift" of clarity, hope and love that you speak of above in your post, is, perhaps, your "reward" due from Allah and not something your wife gave you.
Consider this...would it be a a gift if she did it again? Would you add adultery to your holiday or Amazon wish list? Yet, we all (religious persons) pray for God's "gifts" all the time. We should recognize the true gift giver. and celebrate our God's gifts and the lessons we learned in opposing sin, in spite and despite of sin, not because of it.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
