Cali, I do understand where you are coming from and do not want to return to the old marriage, however, your w is not on the same page w/you totally. She's still playing catch up and it's going to take some time for her to come out of her crisis fully. Patience! You can't rush the process even though you are starting to see glimmers of light. Patience!
This is the hardest part of the journey for us. We see the MLCer starting to wake up and we begin to think about what we want and we begin to push a little bit. You can't do that...not at this time. She has to face what she's done, accept her flaws and start moving towards a complete reconcilation.
Cali, please, please read the thread that I created on Reconnection. It takes a lot of time, and I do mean time, for them to fully recover. If you push, she will go back inside of herself and it will take far longer than it should. Again, patience, my friend! A lot of patience is needed now.
I truly want to see you and your wife reconcile...but it's on her time clock, not yours. Don't try to rush the process!
