Ok. That was a very lengthy post! Let me give a few thoughts.
- I understand what you mean about yelling. NOBODY here would tell you it's useful to get into a screaming match about anything. But at the same time, you need to fight for yourself and the kids. Read Sandi's rules again and again. When you feel a fight coming, just excuse yourself for a bit.
- If money's tight, but he's allowed to go spend money on his hobbies and OW, you shouldn't feel guilty buying a $7 CD. If you're in charge of the money, set a budget. it's your money too, right? What kind of income split is it...? Can you afford to start separating your finances and splitting bills? You may also consult a lawyer to find out what kind of Chris support he would owe you if you were to leave - I bet that number would change his spending habit!
- you can't keep trying to control him. You aren't in charge of his relationship with the kids. If you have a 50-50 agreement on watching them, and he gives his share to the neighbor, you shouldn't feel badly about it. You should make sure they are safe and well cared for, but it isn't your job to force his relationship with them. That's on him.
- regarding GAL, doing things with the kids is great. Go to the park, go to the library, see what other mommy + me groups or something might be available. Watch movies, have Princess days, whatever it is. BUT you also need to get out by yourself some too. You need to add some mystery into your life. If you sit in the same place that your boyfriend left you, he'll always know where to find you. Don't be his fall back plan!
- my last thought is about your pursuit. You have got to stop. No more cuddling, handholding, sweet talk. None of it. Don't ask him what he's been doing, don't ask if he wants alone time, nothing. You can invite him to g with you and the kids, but it's not about your time with HIM. Think as if you're on a walk and he's a few steps ahead of you - your goal is to stop walking and get him to come back to YOU. If you always are chasing after him, he won't ever come back because he knows right where you are.
