WW/WAW Looking for advice from the pros (Sandi)

[Prowl]

So I need to throw this out there because she made a comment about it earlier this week.

She claims I am very controlling and have been our whole marriage. In a way maybe I have been and I have my excuses but I'm sure I am wrong in my thinking... Like I mentioned earlier I have always worked 2-3 jobs during our marriage. When it came to buying our house I wanted to use a certain builder because of the amazing lot we could get that had a view that over looked the valley. Not the house she wanted but because I was the one working 2 jobs, I wanted the house from this builder. Yes I know selfish, please don't condemn me. I am learning a lot through this and discovering my faults.

Then the cars. I bought her a new van 15 years ago. The next year I bought myself a small commuter car and gave plasma for 6 months to pay for it. 6 years later I worked 2 years of nearly straight overtime to purchase my dream car. I'm now being told again how selfish I am as I have had two new cars and she's still driving a van from 15 years ago. She wanted me to purchase her a new car this fall, about a month before BD.

My question is how do I show her I am not the selfish person she thinks I am without making her feel wrong or invalidated. I tried asking her if a selfish person would work the amount of hours I did to take care of their family and miss out on numerous events. I've always spoiled my children to the greatest of my abilities. Worked tirelessly to pay for their sports and activities and know I am having to defend myself as not being selfish...