2 Post - learning too slowly

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So what are you going to do about it?

First, no R talks. None. Not even hints or questions. None.

Second, no snooping. Even if you find something out, what are you going to do? Tell her and she'll blast you for snooping. You clearly want to know and control her. She is clearly telling you she will leave you if you can't stop. So you just need to stop. Get out if you need to, until you can control yourself.

She wants someone who is strong and consistent during a time when she is weak and struggling. You are falling apart, and it is not attractive. Again, get out and visit friends or something if you can't keep it together. Better to be absent than continue to show her that you are having trouble handling things.

You are your own worst enemy right now. Almost all of us have been there. So, don't think you're some exception and a failure. You haven't killed it, but you do need to stop doing all of the above right a way.

Yes. I have mastered the snooping. I don't do it. I don't even want to know anymore. What would it help?

These R talks, they start with just a tiny hint of a question and then take off in crazy directions and last WAY too long. I can't even ask the little questions. Have to just kill that completely.

Showing strength. I need to know what that looks like. What does a "strong" person do? What actions? How do they appear strong? Even when I am dying inside I want to put on a strong appearance.

Perhaps I take a cue from my wife. She is setting the tone for our interaction by removing herself. I could have done that. Only, we are in the same house with 2 kids. How do I show similar strength? What are ways that I can demonstrate strength since to this point I have failed to do so?

Strong person GAL, doesn't beg or pursue, doesn't start up R talk, respects her wish for space, and is consistent. Not the stereotype of strong, but someone who doesn't appear needy and can keep getting what needs to be done during a painful time. Think of it as her wondering if she can count on you when the sh*t hits the fan. It is hitting it hard and she wants to see you stand up in the moment and do what is necessary, including doing the things you don't really want to do (like stop wooing her).

The R talk coming from little things is why I said there can be none. You need to go cold turkey. Again, if you need a few days away to gain that kind of control, do it. No matter what she says, you are not to ask about the R, talk about the future together, or anything. That is going to be number one on your agenda right now.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

I think online EA activity is accelerating. It used to be that happened behind closed doors but the phone is now with her always. Reading something, texting back, putting the phone down quickly & face down. Right when she is sitting there with me! She always has an excuse ready for someone safe that she is talking to. The phone is in her pocket, goes in the bathroom, always by her side.

I really hope she does not cross the threshold into a PA with someone. I really really hope. I am working as hard as I can but it takes time. During that time I have to watch this happen?